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Song Parodies -> "I Want Your Secs"
Original Song Title:
"I Want Your Sex"
(MP3)Original Performer:
George Michael
Parody Song Title:
"I Want Your Secs"
Parody Written by:
John A. Barry
The Lyrics
Technically, secs are dry wines, but for the purposes of this parody I've used the term liberally to apply to other dry libations. Amontillado is dry sherry; Veuve Clicquot is a brand of champagne.
I know I'm your guest,
And as such I should show
Manners that don't disgust. . .
Be like Emily Post.
But I just cannot hide
My dry obsession to know
Just how I can get my hands on it—
What I'm craving, your Amontillado.
Oh, where's your sherries? Brut?
Deliciously dry.
I need to imbible—
Here's mud in your eye!
Can't abide Pink Ladies—
Much too saccharine!
I have been very patient,
But I must have gin!
I want your secs!
I want your secs!
I want your secs!
I'm braying for dry wine;
I'm dancing like a troll.
You hear my plangent whine.
You tell me that I have to go.
But I'm ready to pry
The cork off some Veuve Clicquot
And then, like a sorting hog, ingest it,
While it laps like liquid love onto your skirt, tricot.
Oh, where's your sherries? Brut?
Deliciously dry.
I need to imbible—
Here's mud in your eye!
Can't abide Pink Ladies—
Liquid Jell-O
Made with cream and sugar.
Gin's got a small role.
I want your secs!
I want your secs!
I want your secs!
Forget Red Bull—
Just chemicals (yuck! screw it).
Give me Boodles (with just a twist)—
It's secsual,
Discrete, floral.
You will like secs, I guarantee
So won't you please have secs with me?
Secs are arid, with hints of wood
Imparted by the hogsheads
In which they have stood.
Secs are distilled, but not like rum—
There's no molasses or cane scum,
Or cane scum.
Have a martini—
Pink Lady: creamy!
And grenadiney!—
With olive.
C-c-c-c-come on.
2x:
Ever have a "dirty" martini, baby?
Dump in olive brine. . .more aridity.
Sorry 'bout bad manners and my outbursts, baby.
Don't you think it's time you had secs with me?
Secs with me. (3x)
C-c-c-c-come on.
And as such I should show
Manners that don't disgust. . .
Be like Emily Post.
But I just cannot hide
My dry obsession to know
Just how I can get my hands on it—
What I'm craving, your Amontillado.
Oh, where's your sherries? Brut?
Deliciously dry.
I need to imbible—
Here's mud in your eye!
Can't abide Pink Ladies—
Much too saccharine!
I have been very patient,
But I must have gin!
I want your secs!
I want your secs!
I want your secs!
I'm braying for dry wine;
I'm dancing like a troll.
You hear my plangent whine.
You tell me that I have to go.
But I'm ready to pry
The cork off some Veuve Clicquot
And then, like a sorting hog, ingest it,
While it laps like liquid love onto your skirt, tricot.
Oh, where's your sherries? Brut?
Deliciously dry.
I need to imbible—
Here's mud in your eye!
Can't abide Pink Ladies—
Liquid Jell-O
Made with cream and sugar.
Gin's got a small role.
I want your secs!
I want your secs!
I want your secs!
Forget Red Bull—
Just chemicals (yuck! screw it).
Give me Boodles (with just a twist)—
It's secsual,
Discrete, floral.
You will like secs, I guarantee
So won't you please have secs with me?
Secs are arid, with hints of wood
Imparted by the hogsheads
In which they have stood.
Secs are distilled, but not like rum—
There's no molasses or cane scum,
Or cane scum.
Have a martini—
Pink Lady: creamy!
And grenadiney!—
With olive.
C-c-c-c-come on.
2x:
Ever have a "dirty" martini, baby?
Dump in olive brine. . .more aridity.
Sorry 'bout bad manners and my outbursts, baby.
Don't you think it's time you had secs with me?
Secs with me. (3x)
C-c-c-c-come on.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
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| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 6 | 6 | 6 |
User Comments
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6th verse, 3rd line: "sorting" should be "snorting." Oops.
I had NO idea what this was going to be about...a bit of bon vivant humour for the middle of the week...great! 555
Great wordplay.
Thanks, fellow secs lovers.
Great job, JB, let's encourage more secs parodies on this site. Secs is a healthy and natural topic. Secs can be discussed with children, although they're too young to have secs. You should not have secs while driving, however.
Very tast, with a fine aroma, and legs. 5 glasses full
I wondered what this one would be about too...clever puns and rhymes, decent pacing, generally well-written. 5's all round!
"so won't you please have secs with me".....hmm....there's chance that could be misinterpreted in real life conversation, but maybe I worry too much....555 for the audacity
¡Quisiera una botella más de Freixenet Cordon Bleu cava!
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