I'm trying to find the right girlfriend
Who I will eventually wed
I'm just having trouble finding Miss Right
And sometimes I cry all night

But ask for a balloon
Or trivia in a barroom
And I just might be your man

I never ever had a hole in one
But one time I came oh so close
My tee shot came to rest just one foot
So close to my very first ace

Just take me on a date
A night in the city
And I just might be the man

Sometimes I may get a little drastic
Sometimes I just let my feelings show
Sometimes I may get a bit dramatic
Most times that's the way the story goes

You might know this guy from Hermitage
Who goes to Penn State Shenango
For years he's been making lots of girls happy
They call me the balloon man

I don't have a charge card
Though I might consider
Just being the one that you'll wed

Or just ask for a balloon
Or trivia in a barroom
I'll be the one that you'll wed