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Song Parodies -> "Reclaimed Virgin"
Original Song Title:
"Like A Virgin"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Madonna
Parody Song Title:
"Reclaimed Virgin"
Parody Written by:
Kristof Robertson
The Lyrics
I have no objection to young folk deciding to abstain from sexual relationships until they're married: in fact, I think it's admirable. But the current trend of "reclaiming" your virginity? Puh-lease...
She made a pledge to have no sex
Until she's wed to you
Though she's been around the block
More than once, it's true
At sixteenfive marines
Her friend's dadand Orlando Bloom
But her will is steel
You won't ge-e-et a feel
'Til you're a groom
Reclaimed virgin
Fresh like a rose in springtime
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Shame about thebusted hyme
Gonna practice abstinence, boy
About five years too late
She's "saving" herself for you
And you reply "Ohgreat"
Once a slutnow she's not
Served 'em quickjust like Pizza Hut
She became devout
Tells you "cu-u-ut it out
Coz my shop's now shut!"
Reclaimed virgin
She thinks that nobody knows
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Shame about thevideos
Ooohhooohh.ooohh
She's been badshe's been had
So have youdude, it's freakin' sad
You won't see her bod
Now it's o-o-owned by God
She's Janet; you're Brad!
Reclaimed virgin
Pure like min'ral H2O
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Once no "2", just
H & O
Reclaimed virginno, NO!
Reclaimed virgin
Touchdown's been denied
So you're takin'freezin' showersusing jazz mags
Uh-oh, no no nowoe, woe!
No "lay me"
All you hear's "get off, creep!"
Ev'ry single dang time
Until she's wed to you
Though she's been around the block
More than once, it's true
At sixteenfive marines
Her friend's dadand Orlando Bloom
But her will is steel
You won't ge-e-et a feel
'Til you're a groom
Reclaimed virgin
Fresh like a rose in springtime
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Shame about thebusted hyme
Gonna practice abstinence, boy
About five years too late
She's "saving" herself for you
And you reply "Ohgreat"
Once a slutnow she's not
Served 'em quickjust like Pizza Hut
She became devout
Tells you "cu-u-ut it out
Coz my shop's now shut!"
Reclaimed virgin
She thinks that nobody knows
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Shame about thevideos
Ooohhooohh.ooohh
She's been badshe's been had
So have youdude, it's freakin' sad
You won't see her bod
Now it's o-o-owned by God
She's Janet; you're Brad!
Reclaimed virgin
Pure like min'ral H2O
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Once no "2", just
H & O
Reclaimed virginno, NO!
Reclaimed virgin
Touchdown's been denied
So you're takin'freezin' showersusing jazz mags
Uh-oh, no no nowoe, woe!
No "lay me"
All you hear's "get off, creep!"
Ev'ry single dang time
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Voting Breakdown
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| 4 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 9 | 8 | 8 |
User Comments
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glad i was the first in....5s
A great parody, about a great concept... Reclaimed virginity... Well, I guess if someone can sell their virginity on eBay...
555, funny one this is. ^__^
From the title, I thought this was going to be about Sir Richard Branson buying back company stock, but it's a Valentine's Day post, a day early. 5-5-5
Reclaimed Virgin...love that title and idea...This is still at the top of the cherry tree..555
Glorious. The 'H20 - 2' gag was priceless. Flawless ruh-hymin' throughout. 555
DK Madonna's music, but truer words never spoken...
Hehehe, love this Kristof, you left me in stitches! I haven't heard of this trend though unless you are referring to the operation. Kegel exercises are the way to go though. 5s.
555, funny.
Thanks for the votes and comments, everyone. Red Ant, check out www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/12.24.98/virgin1-9851.html to find out more. Cheers!
"Once a slut…now she's not/Served 'em quick…just like Pizza Hut" - very cutting, Kristof :-)
I read the article, this is a joke, right? Let me paste part of this gem paragraph:
"People who reclaim through the Society for the Recapture of Virginity receive a framed certificate, a wearable virgin badge and the Virginator, a special ring...". Uh-huh. This fad is a delusion, either you've done it or you haven't.
BTW, this parody is a hell of a lot funnier now that I know exactly what you are writing about.
"People who reclaim through the Society for the Recapture of Virginity receive a framed certificate, a wearable virgin badge and the Virginator, a special ring...". Uh-huh. This fad is a delusion, either you've done it or you haven't.
BTW, this parody is a hell of a lot funnier now that I know exactly what you are writing about.
Ha! Kristof, you deserve the 555 just for being the first person ever to use a "springtime/busted hyme" couplet - although, shame on me, and I hereby acknowledge that fellow wombat Luke is smarter than me, but what's the "H2O, no 2, just H&O" gag all about?? - 555
If I ever make it to the Virgin Islands they're gonna have to rename the place. Another masterpiece, Kristof!
Thanks Phil, Red Ant (it's ludicrous isn't it?) Stuart and Rex. Stu, I hate having to explain jokes, so I'd only do it for you bcause a) you're a mate, and b) dementia is clearly setting in. :-) Here goes.....H2O=water.....H&O=ho, which I believe is slang for w/ore. Oh well, at least Brattoni liked it. :-) Thanks all
* bangs head slowly against wall *
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