the dentist looks in my mouth, and says “Oh, Dear!
those teeth inside your face are gonna disappear!
unless you heed advice, which I hope I’m making clear
Don’t Sweet It, Don’t Eat It!”

don’t wanna lose ‘em, but I wanna eat cake!
already bought a couple cake mixes to bake
but if I don’t stop, they’re all gonna be fake
Can’t Sweet It, but I want cookies, bad!

Can’t Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It
Lord knows I love ice cream eatin’
gettin’ so hungry, for just one slice
of a choco-cake, buttercream iced
Can’t Sweet It, Sweet It
Can’t Sweet It, Sweet It
Can’t Sweet It, Sweet It
Can’t Sweet It, Sweet It

they’re out to get me, ‘cause I’m tellin’ you, man
I just switched out to Splenda, yeah, that was the plan
they heard I drank Diet Pepsi, straight from the can
said, “acid? can’t pass it!”

and now, the healthy teeth thing’s gettin’ quite moot
can’t even satisfy my sweet tooth with some fruit
they tell me “citric acid, better give it the boot,
Don’t Sweet It!” dentures can’t be that bad!

I'll Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It
drizzle syrup on, then eat it!
gettin’ too hungry, need just one bite
strawberry cheesecake, or lemon pie

Yeah, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It
so what if ice cream’s not vegan?
liquor is quicker, that maybe true
candy’s still dandy, I’m telling you!
I'll Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It
Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It

Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It
grab a chocolate bell, and eat it!
welcome back oranges, welcome back pie!
it’s been too long, I thought I would die

I'll Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It
and I can’t forget to “Meat It!”
welcome back fudge, and welcome back cake!
being without you, was a mistake

I'll Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It
eating Freshley’s, nothing beats it!
all I must do is, take care to brush
while in the bathroom, and also flush

I'll Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It
got a sweet tooth, and I'll feed it!
stormed from the dentist, out to my car
told me “no eggnog!” THAT was too far!
Just Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It, Sweet It (fade out.)