[STRIKE 1: THE COMMERCIALS]
A gal on my TV
She says, "Guess why I look like a model now?
A really bodacious model, now?
Is it some hocus po-cus?
I got a make-up opportunity
From a Parisian beautician
So I can sell you cosmetics
In extreme soft-focus
Hey ladies, hey ladies
Look great! (by torchlight)"
Far away, coyotes howl
"Purple eye-shadow, eye-shadow
With a no-smear lippy, FREE!
You can work miracles with foundation and a trowel.."

If you be a tub o' lard
If you be a ho..omely gal
They may call you "Fatty"
But Fatty, you'll be Foxy
Using L'Oreal

[STRIKE 2: THE "BEAUTY" PARLOUR]
A gal approaches me
She says "Why don't I get no attention?
'Cept from short little men with a pension
Say, what am I doing wrong?"
Miss, you look uncannily
Like an oil pain-ting
(We're talking Pi-casso
Or something that Dali has
Drawn, drawn)
Your consultant is Sally
She deals with the ugly little bat-faced girls
Our salon, salon
Can repair all nature's accidents
With tints and depilation

If your hair is lank or hard
If you be a fre-eakish gal
Don't stay pale and sweaty
Better get your sorry a**
Some L'O-re-al
L'Oreal

(STRIKE 3: WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS]
A babe walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Ev'ryone's a hot girl
All impossibly thin and brown
What if your eyes have baggage?
You've got a chin or three?
Honey, there's no such thang
As natural beauty in this town
This town!
Cher's down with "replace-a-face"
(For the bling-ed and awf'lly rich)
So you can't frown, can't frown
Coz you've just had Botox architecture
Grinning for eternity
You'll get Oscarslike Halle, Julia!

Once you were a bloated tart
Now you is a fresh-faced gal
Friends will throw confetti
Confetti at your wedding
Thanks to L'O-re-al!
L'Oreal.