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Song Parodies -> "I Can't Keep This Diet Anymore"
Original Song Title:
"I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore"
Original Performer:
REO Speedwagon
Parody Song Title:
"I Can't Keep This Diet Anymore"
Parody Written by:
Jeff Reuben
The Lyrics
I can't keep this diet any longer
And yet I'm still afraid the flab, it shows
What started out as hunger has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to just say no
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I think there is good reason for a feast
Cause I don't think I look all that much better
I don't like food that's healthy, I like everything so greased!
So even as I wander, I'm keeping food in sight.
There's a potpie in the oven, and it smells so sweet tonight
And I'm gettin closer, I'm not gonna stop this time!
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
It's time to eat the fish off of the floor
And throw away the fork, forever
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Crash through the freezer door
Baby, I can't keep this diet anymore
I tried to eat rabbit food and dirt for breakfast
I though that sugar-free stuff would be fine
But the day I started shoppin with you, girl
You showed me sweets and fat'ners, that alone I'd never find
So even as I wonder, "What will I eat tonight?"
A greenish piece of lettuce, is not a welcome sight
And I'm gettin closer, I'm not gonna stop this time!
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
It's time to eat the fish off of the floor
And throw away the fork, forever
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Crash through the freezer door
Baby, I can't keep this diet anymore
And yet I'm still afraid the flab, it shows
What started out as hunger has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to just say no
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I think there is good reason for a feast
Cause I don't think I look all that much better
I don't like food that's healthy, I like everything so greased!
So even as I wander, I'm keeping food in sight.
There's a potpie in the oven, and it smells so sweet tonight
And I'm gettin closer, I'm not gonna stop this time!
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
It's time to eat the fish off of the floor
And throw away the fork, forever
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Crash through the freezer door
Baby, I can't keep this diet anymore
I tried to eat rabbit food and dirt for breakfast
I though that sugar-free stuff would be fine
But the day I started shoppin with you, girl
You showed me sweets and fat'ners, that alone I'd never find
So even as I wonder, "What will I eat tonight?"
A greenish piece of lettuce, is not a welcome sight
And I'm gettin closer, I'm not gonna stop this time!
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
It's time to eat the fish off of the floor
And throw away the fork, forever
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Crash through the freezer door
Baby, I can't keep this diet anymore
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | ||||||||
| 4 | 8 | 9 | 7 | ||||||||
| 5 | 36 | 36 | 37 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
I recall when this came out last spring and I just remembered it for the first time since. Funny parody, great pacing, and straight 5's all the way!
lebeiw15, you remind me of Weired Al Yankovic. Meet me out my place later, for a good food and romp session! yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmm!!!!!
(FOOD CONTEST) Funny rhymes, but if he's no longer dieting, why does he throw away the fork? I suppose maybe he's sticking to finger food?
Using the fork wastes time...using his (or her) hands, or just mashing his (or her) face into the food is much more efficient.
(FOOD) Can't buy it this diet, but the parody I tried it. It's just worth a mere 555 calories.
(FOOD) This read really well (My euphemism for DKTOS and can't be bothered looking it up) with great rhyming and imagery. A three-course meal of 5s.
I'm with Luke. DKTOS but it read well - 555
(Food) Try the REO Speed-Diet!
One of the best ones I've read!
FOOD - man dieting sounds like a bitch!
(FOOD) Tasty job, Jeff...5's...
(Food) LOL! Thats great! 555!
(ABC) I just vaguely remember the OS, but the parody was funny! 5's
Hilarious, Jeff!
(I-05) I'm with Adagio on this one Jeff. Diets suck, but this is very good.
(ABC) Ah, another great food parody. All 5's all the way!
ABC--HIGH-larious, Jeff...I love it when I get exposed to one of your old gems...=) Great job...I loved the potpie line, and eating the fish off of the floor! =)
(ABC05)see above
(ABC) Well done. I can relate, believe me. Tri-Fives.
(ABC) Still hilarious!
(ABC) See above ... "It's time to eat the fish off of the floor" and "I tried to eat rabbit food and dirt for breakfast" both made me laugh out loud physically for real!
( I ) - already commented, and I can so relate to this, Jeff - sometimes, what exactly are we dieting for?.....and, 'til next week, that's all from Great Rhetorical Questions Of Our Time
(ABC-I) Slick work.
(ABC05) Rabbit food and dirt sounds like a great breakfast! 555
(ABC) Ug no eat lettuce, Ug eat big chunk of fatty meat, vote 5's.
DNKOS, but I relate to this extremely well. Great read
ABC - not bad
keep trying .. don't give up!!
Started laughing from the second verse. Absolutely brilliant!!! XD
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