It's got big teeth and it's after me
I don't care about why, it wants to eat me
Gang way, kinda need to flee, cause it
Has more teeth than the Osmond family
Amscray, I'mma comin' through
If you get eaten, ain't my fault, cause you should've moved
Anyway, monster's after me
And by the look on his face, I think that he's hungry

Holy cow, that thing looks ugly
It's a genuine freak
Yeah, it's a real freak of nature, man
Kinda eldritch, smells like fish, you know, I shouldn't stop to diss
The giant monster
Lookin' at me like a can of Spam
Why is the army never on time
They always waste time
And say "It is all up to you"
Hey, dumbass, I don't got skills
I don't rack up kills, I wet my pants at tiny bugs, dude
Gotta make a break cause it ain't safe
Probably thinks I taste like steak
But I should tell it, I don't have a tasty flavour
Honestly, I don't think that his nose
Is workin', though it may just show
He's just that ravenous
Not picky, what a trooper

Why am I talking when this creature's runnin' really fast
Need a car, I regret wearin' these pants
Cause they're really tight, they're splicin' my nadges through
Fellas, you get what I mean?
Really hurts, dude
I hope this crazy beast will wear out eventually
Though I could say the same thing about these shorts

It's got big teeth, runnin' after me
Now it takes to the air
I guess it has wings
Did not notice them, you see
When I found the thing, it was sound asleep
Flat on it's back, it was snoring too
When it woke up, froze on the spot
It was like I was glued
Suddenly, it just came to me
That I should make like a tree and get out with much speed

Look at his mouth there, the drool keeps drippin'
It's makin' a mess, but why am I carin'?
Wants to eat me with no reason
He'll have me well done
His flame breath nicks the edge of my bum
My breath's getting short, P.E. I dropped it
I couldn't stand it
It might've stopped me being monster pie
This sounds like something from a B-film
Maybe a Z-film
When did that stupid schlock become real life?

Gotta tell you, all this isn't fun
Wish that I had packed along a gun
At least a phone that has a speed-dial for the army
Hope that they come soon before I'm doomed
With a large crew and then it's BOOM monster filet
Mike Bay might just cream his jeans

I cannot help it, makin' funnies when we're in deep crap
Tryin' hard not to cry or mess my pants
It looks like this hike may end in a funeral
That would kinda suck for me
Sure would blow
I have a tendency to blabber on nervously
It's not like all of this running crap has worked

It's got big teeth, it'll soon eat me
Honestly wonder why
It doesn't hurry
Maybe it gets tired too, I hope
That thing's stamina freaks me out, how about you?
Hang on, I can't hear the drool
Maybe that thing got lost and gave
Up, and left to snooze
Hopefully, he's lost sight of me
So I'll just turn around and see if it's still on me

I'll just turn around slow, see if it's still on me
Turn around really slow and I'll see if it's on me
Sweet mercy, Batman, just look at those teeth!