If I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a double-wide
(i'd buy you a double-wide)
And if I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy you some lawn furniture for the yard
(complete with a cupholder for brew)
If I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a pick-em-up truck
(with mudflaps and a gun rack)
And if I had a million dollars, reckon
I'd buy yer love

If I had a million dollars
I'd build a tool shed in the trailer's yard
If I had a million dollars
I'd make yer sister help, it ain't hard
If I had a million dollars
Maybe yer sister can come by the tool shed later..
Yeah, and we could feed her sausage
Pre-wrapped sausage though... I always make sure the sausage is pre-wrapped with yer sister

If I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a 'chick-fur' coat
(what's a 'chick-fur'?) to beat-up and boss around stupid!
And if I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy you an exotic pet
(like a beaver?) yep, then I'd shave it
If I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy you John Wayne's remains
(huh huh SQUEEEAL LIKE A PIIIIIG)
And if I had a million dollars, reckon
I'd buy yer love

If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to hunt our food anymore
If I had a million dollars
We'd go to Piggly Wiggly, it costs more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't hafta eat pork rinds no more
But we would
I'd get some fancy, imported ones from like Arkansas
Heck yeah!

If I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy you an orange huntin' vest
(nah son, the animals'll see me comin'!)
If I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy you some redneck, velvet, 3-d, pornographic art
(like a velvet Elvis one that pops out at ya when ya look at it?)
If I had a million dollars
(if i had a million dollars)
I'd buy one of them there monkeys
(huh huh when he's bad can i spank him?)
If I had a million dollars, reckon
I'd buy yer love

If I had a million dollars
(if I had a million dollars)
If I had a million dollars
(if I had a million dollars)

I'd buy a million scratch-offs