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Song Parodies -> "You've Been Blessed (An Ode to Cults)"
Original Song Title:
"Be Our Guest"
Original Performer:
Beauty and the Beast
Parody Song Title:
"You've Been Blessed (An Ode to Cults)"
Parody Written by:
Cat
The Lyrics
After reading all the classic Be Our Guest parodies, most recently wannabemustangjockey's "TyrantFest," I concluded that I HAD to write one myself. The idea of cults just seemed natural–it happened to come to me when I was procrastinating my math homework–and a few hours later, I came up with this:
You've...been...blessed! You've been blessed!
Join our cult, and don't protest!
Say goodbye to heathen lifestyles
And you'll never be depressed!
Change your clothes, cut your hair,
Cultivate a manic stare,
Stand in airports, arms a-waving
So more sinners you'll be saving!
Read this book, yeah it's swell
Or else you will go to hell!
Come, we'll tattoo a big symbol on your breast!
Your new life will be pret-ty
Mindless con-form-ity
Have int'rest? We're the best!
You've been blessed!
We have earned dubious fame
For our acts in the Lord's name
And we bound and gagged the people
Who believe it's just a game
If you think that we're nuts
And you listen to your gut
Then just kiss off your posterior
'Cause we're morally superior!
You'll live in shady dives
And you'll have a hundred wives!
(which is more than YOU'VE ever had, I'd've guessed!)
Come on and drink Kool-Aid, with "special stuff" it's made
So go be blessed!
Go, you pest! Make all of your sins confessed!
You've been blessed! You've been blessed! You've been blessed!
(Leader)
Once I was a sinner
In my life I was no winner
Lust I pursued–but yeah, I knew how to have fun
Ah, those bad old days when I was normal...
Boy, I'm glad those bad old days are done!
Ten years in my compound
To my extreme tenets I'm bound
Hope the FBI don't show up on my ranch!
Most days I'm just looking for new converts
Naive, young, and fresh-faced
Have 'em reborn here at my place!
You've been blessed! You've been blessed!
Now it's time to pass your test!
Chuck your bombs at dads and moms
And all the kiddies in their nest!
"Shalt not kill?" Why, that's bull!
Our mass graves are always full!
Says right HERE in Revelation
That God wants extermination!
Vandalize in disguise! Put a mask over your eyes!
If you tear down this church here, I'll be impressed!
We've got a lot to do, let's torch City Hall too!
Cause we are blessed! We are blessed!
We are blessed! We are blessed!
You've been blessed! Oh, what's next?
Seems some people are distressed!
It's some folks who call us jokes
With nonviolence they are obsessed
They will scream, wave their signs
But our name they won't malign!
Stupid people rant and rave
Our inn-o-cent souls we will save!
Grab...this...gun!
When you're bored!
And you shout, "OH PRAISE THE LORD!"
And we'll be deified above all the rest!
When I count to eleven
We'll shoot off to heaven!
Cause we're blessed!
We are blessed!
Screw the rest!
WE...ARE...THE....BLESSED!!!!!
*Bang!*
Join our cult, and don't protest!
Say goodbye to heathen lifestyles
And you'll never be depressed!
Change your clothes, cut your hair,
Cultivate a manic stare,
Stand in airports, arms a-waving
So more sinners you'll be saving!
Read this book, yeah it's swell
Or else you will go to hell!
Come, we'll tattoo a big symbol on your breast!
Your new life will be pret-ty
Mindless con-form-ity
Have int'rest? We're the best!
You've been blessed!
We have earned dubious fame
For our acts in the Lord's name
And we bound and gagged the people
Who believe it's just a game
If you think that we're nuts
And you listen to your gut
Then just kiss off your posterior
'Cause we're morally superior!
You'll live in shady dives
And you'll have a hundred wives!
(which is more than YOU'VE ever had, I'd've guessed!)
Come on and drink Kool-Aid, with "special stuff" it's made
So go be blessed!
Go, you pest! Make all of your sins confessed!
You've been blessed! You've been blessed! You've been blessed!
(Leader)
Once I was a sinner
In my life I was no winner
Lust I pursued–but yeah, I knew how to have fun
Ah, those bad old days when I was normal...
Boy, I'm glad those bad old days are done!
Ten years in my compound
To my extreme tenets I'm bound
Hope the FBI don't show up on my ranch!
Most days I'm just looking for new converts
Naive, young, and fresh-faced
Have 'em reborn here at my place!
You've been blessed! You've been blessed!
Now it's time to pass your test!
Chuck your bombs at dads and moms
And all the kiddies in their nest!
"Shalt not kill?" Why, that's bull!
Our mass graves are always full!
Says right HERE in Revelation
That God wants extermination!
Vandalize in disguise! Put a mask over your eyes!
If you tear down this church here, I'll be impressed!
We've got a lot to do, let's torch City Hall too!
Cause we are blessed! We are blessed!
We are blessed! We are blessed!
You've been blessed! Oh, what's next?
Seems some people are distressed!
It's some folks who call us jokes
With nonviolence they are obsessed
They will scream, wave their signs
But our name they won't malign!
Stupid people rant and rave
Our inn-o-cent souls we will save!
Grab...this...gun!
When you're bored!
And you shout, "OH PRAISE THE LORD!"
And we'll be deified above all the rest!
When I count to eleven
We'll shoot off to heaven!
Cause we're blessed!
We are blessed!
Screw the rest!
WE...ARE...THE....BLESSED!!!!!
*Bang!*
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 2 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 6 | 1 | 3 | ||||||||
| 5 | 25 | 30 | 28 |
User Comments
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Better watch out, Cat. Keep writing parodies as brilliant as this & some of your readers might start worshipping YOU. 555
555! Excellent effort. "Stupid people rant and rave"...I guess smart people rave and rant? (Sorry...had to.)
Divine! 555
Thanks guys, I really needed this. Today was really rough for me (and it could very well be the inspiration for another BOG parody..."Bombed My Test.") =(
I rather like doing this OS, too: and this one's marvellous, Cat.
C, the scary part is that people actually believe this.
I know K. Poor saps...
Very funny.
(Y '06) We all must bow to our most exalted NEW leader, Cat!. Or maybe not. :)
i came on here fully prepared to be completly negative because my parody is cack and you told me so,but how can i you have done a wonderful job here.i think disney should do a new film based around this(i dont think disney and manson are two names that sit well together!)absolutley awsome you,ve re-set the bar.
Thanks Phil, Kat, Larry, Agri and Tomario. Tomario, I actually didn't have Manson on the mind when I wrote this, it was instead sort of a cross between the Peoples' Temple and the Branch Davidians. (I actually had Wikipedia up when I wrote this, since I didn't know a whole lot about cults.) And it was really just on that one parody that I had issues, I quite enjoyed your parody "Wearing Women's Clothes" a while back.
(ABC-Y) Pacing was great here Cat. Edgy and funny. 5s.
(ABC05) Well written. Lots of good lines. 555
Wow!!! This is your best yet, and I seriously mean that!!! Such great lines expessially for some reason the airport one it reminds me of that movie "Airplane" when the people are in the airport trying to make people take bibles and things, and they all get the crap beaten out of them... ha! Good times, good times...
(ABC) See above for The Mighty Cat!
(Y) wow, excellent stuff, Cat - some fantastic couplets, like "Says right HERE in Revelation That God wants extermination!" and plenty more - great stuff! - 555
(ABC) See above!
Cults really creep me out. And I got a real kick out of your parody. It was hard to follow the pacing in places, because I haven't heard it in a while (I was using "See My Vest" as a model, except when it got to certain parts, and it got difficult to follow). I gave you four for the pacing. And I had to five you for some of the great lyrics. And overall, you get a four. Great job. You've been blessed, Cat. This is sure to be in my SOTM Top Ten.
(SOTM) see above
(SOTM06) Really good job, Cat. 5's
Diddo on my last comment! And that's all I have to say about that...
(SOTM) Where do you draw the line between a cult and an established religion? At 555 followers? I guess we're in a cult right here then! :-)
SOTM- Another contender.
(SOTM) Fun all the way through, with a perfect ending.
(SOTM) ah yes, this was in the "Y" comp - I was wondering why I remembered it so well - still brilliant Cat!
amen! i'm convinced. where do i sign up?
this parody was very good
this parody was very good
you've ruined the song, be my guest and leave plz
[SOTM] A pleasure to read, an absolute masterclass in parody writing. Fantastic 555+
(SOTM) Yet another BOG parody. Wow, this is becoming popular... Thanks for the ref to mine from last month (I see you've borrowed 1-2 lines from it too). A lot of good lines, some iffy ones, but mostly good. In all, a lot better than "Nytro" (see above) gives you credit for.
(SOTM) See above!
(SOTM) Who's smoken a little too much, eh Cat? The content's a little screwy, but isn't that the entire point? Oh, well, what are ya gonna do?
(SOTM) Holy Godbotherers, Cat; man! (see what I did there? ;-)) This is just phenomenal writing, and I agree; your best yet! BOG always seems to bring out great writing, and you can hold your head up proudly with this. 555+
Additional thanks to everyone who's commented (except Nytro...) and especially Kristof! I'm VERY flattered to be receiving such high praise from you! After winning the Y comp and getting a compliment like that, I won't care if I don't get a SOTM medal, this is more than enough for me. =)
(SOTM) See above again!
(SOTM) What Johnny D said.
SOTM...VERY funny stuff here, Cat...I really liked it. I'll be singing the OS all night...(or, morning, as it were)...but alas...it's probably worth it.
Third Place
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,17754.0.html
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,17754.0.html
That was just great! The words just flowed together so great. Truely a cult anthem. Excellent!!!
(ABC Finals) See above!
I believe you've written my biography, Cat. Truly a cult classic.
I've said it before and I'll probably say it again: I know of no flashier song than "Be Our Guest" to show off a parodist's skills. You nailed it. It's all excellent, but I particularly liked your rhyming of "pretty" with "conform-ity." Bless you.
I've said it before and I'll probably say it again: I know of no flashier song than "Be Our Guest" to show off a parodist's skills. You nailed it. It's all excellent, but I particularly liked your rhyming of "pretty" with "conform-ity." Bless you.
(SOTY) Another great BOG!
(SOTY) Oh wow, BOG again, I didn't see that coming from the title. . .well this is one of the etter BOG parodies though, and that's saying quite a bit.
Can I record me doing this and put it on a website with credit given where due? This is awesome.
Feline fives! great lines about these uncool Kool-Aid drinkers!
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