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Song Parodies -> "A Typical Man"
Original Song Title:
"An Innocent Man"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Billy Joel
Parody Song Title:
"A Typical Man"
Parody Written by:
Phil Alexander
The Lyrics
I've taken a few liberties with the rhyming scheme (in that I've put a few more in), mainly to get the odd joke to work... I'd like to try this live some time, as I think it will work well as a performance piece. What do you reckon?
Some people think about multiple things
That has never been a talent of mine
I can only think one thing at once
(And I think of it most of the time)
I see women juggling several balls
And that's something only women can do
'Cause when it comes to handling balls
Well, I've got my hands full with two
I can't remember names of people I've met
And anniversaries I always forget
I never get lost, I don't make a song
And dance 'bout being wrong
Although "wrong" is something I've never been
I criticize all the women that drive
But don't question my ability
My opinion is my parenting role
Is over once over once conception occurs
And I'm unwilling even to try
Because I am a typical man
I am a typical man
Oh yes I am
It's a cliché to say men are from Mars
And women, they come from Venus
And it's often said that they think with their hearts
But a man, he tends to think with his.. head
I get annoyed when any woman says "Men!"
My ego cannot take being typecast
And I know that I could put the toilet seat down
But honestly, I cannot be arsed
Can't understand why the girls seem to mind
When I say I'm God's gift to womankind
But I know that two, maybe three pairs of shoes
Is all I can use
So why have seven hundred and ten?
I reckon flowers look good in the shop
I bought some once, why should I again?
A dozen beers, then I look for a fight
I'm too uncoordinated to win
And although I look through an alcohol mist
Yeah I'm pissed, I'm a typical man
I am a typical man
Oh yes I am
A typical man
The world may think that I've the face of [a] baboon
But in the mirror, I see Orlando Bloom
I love my biceps
My abs and my pecs
(And especially sex)
Got a six-pack and there's more in the fridge
I'm not above going out with a tart
Given half a chance, I'd rather stay in
There ain't no hope of me learning to cook
Or cutting down on how much I swear
Try it and I will say "**** off and die"
Because I am a typical man
I am a typical man
Oh yes I am
A typical man
That has never been a talent of mine
I can only think one thing at once
(And I think of it most of the time)
I see women juggling several balls
And that's something only women can do
'Cause when it comes to handling balls
Well, I've got my hands full with two
I can't remember names of people I've met
And anniversaries I always forget
I never get lost, I don't make a song
And dance 'bout being wrong
Although "wrong" is something I've never been
I criticize all the women that drive
But don't question my ability
My opinion is my parenting role
Is over once over once conception occurs
And I'm unwilling even to try
Because I am a typical man
I am a typical man
Oh yes I am
It's a cliché to say men are from Mars
And women, they come from Venus
And it's often said that they think with their hearts
But a man, he tends to think with his.. head
I get annoyed when any woman says "Men!"
My ego cannot take being typecast
And I know that I could put the toilet seat down
But honestly, I cannot be arsed
Can't understand why the girls seem to mind
When I say I'm God's gift to womankind
But I know that two, maybe three pairs of shoes
Is all I can use
So why have seven hundred and ten?
I reckon flowers look good in the shop
I bought some once, why should I again?
A dozen beers, then I look for a fight
I'm too uncoordinated to win
And although I look through an alcohol mist
Yeah I'm pissed, I'm a typical man
I am a typical man
Oh yes I am
A typical man
The world may think that I've the face of [a] baboon
But in the mirror, I see Orlando Bloom
I love my biceps
My abs and my pecs
(And especially sex)
Got a six-pack and there's more in the fridge
I'm not above going out with a tart
Given half a chance, I'd rather stay in
There ain't no hope of me learning to cook
Or cutting down on how much I swear
Try it and I will say "**** off and die"
Because I am a typical man
I am a typical man
Oh yes I am
A typical man
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Place Your Vote |
Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 2 | 1 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
. . . sounds typical, even from the land DownUdder! . . .Mais, vive la difference!
Thanks, littleCupCakes - are you from down under, then? - But looking at the voting, I guess I must have annoyed some typical male somewhere along the line :-)
Sir, I be in NorCAL or SFO Bay area; but sometimes I do get a little "downUdder" . . .
I think you'll get stoned if you perform live & I'm not talking about hashish. No, I thought it was very funny, especially being written by a bloke. I guess it brands you atypical from the fact of having written it. And folks, if you think he's a typical man, I can vouch for the fact that he does eveningsworths of ironing after work.
(SOTM) This was great. Well done.
love the title and the parody was great. I would perform it at a hen night, they would love it! Lots of great lines, my fav "And I know that I could put the toilet seat down
But honestly, I cannot be arsed". Wonderful job.
Awesome job here Phil, this is one of my favorites of yours. I hope you get a chance to record this (I'm working on recording my version of this OS as well). Brilliant.
We have a feminist party in Sweden, on their convention they allowed a performance group to sing a song about cutting of every man's "package", to lively applauds, until they realised it had been recorded and showed up on television. Had you performed this there you would probably not have lived to write about it.
Hi Phil,
Popped in to see what you're up to at moment. This is sooooooo funny.
Loved the comment about ironing.
Hi Phil, got here late. Some great lines in this :)
Thanks, everyone... and I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear that when I played this at an open mike last Thursday, I wasn't stoned (in either sense of the word), and it was really rather well-received :-)
more funny man-stuff - very good Phil - loved the "baboon-Bloom" rhyme and the "Venus-head" non-rhyme - 555
(SOTM) Yes, very funny, cuts into the pomposity of Billy's tune and "everyman" all at once. (quibble: how does one get "arsed"?) 555
Ag - I guess that may be a phrase from this side of the pond: to say "I can't be arsed" means "I can't be bothered"
Countered that 1 bomb.
Did you happen to record your performance, Phil? Loved "Got a six-pack and there's more in the fridge", "My opinion is my parenting role/
Is over once conception occurs" and the "Venus/head" deliberate misrhyme.
Not this time, RA - each time I had tried to have a practice run, I was interrupted, so in front of the audience was the first (and still the only) time I'd played it through all the way in one go. I'm not sure that would have been a fair recording... some other time, though, who knows?
Awesome parody! I agree with Red Ant in the liking of the "Venus/head" non-rhyme. I love the original song (So the concert video that Dave added I couldn't stand, because the song was hard to hear). This was a good parody I really liked it, and it reminded me of a lot of my "Guy Stuff" parody. Check it out! The line: "When I say I'm God's gift to womankind" also reminded me of Kristof's sexiest.
(SOTM-Mar08) HA - THis is so typical, man. I really like this one Phil.
This was AWESOME, hilarious idea.5s
(SOTM) I love a good Billy Joel parody, and we have a here a BRILLIANT Billy Joel parody. Nailed the pacing, fuggin' hilarious, and you even put in 'arse', which is pretty much worth 555 all by itself! 555 for you, mate!
This was excellent. I loved the "non rhyme" gag and the overall idea and tone.
SOTM- Yea, that's right brother! This parody can so excuse my behavior to my wife. Excellent work, Phil.
SOTM - Yeah, woman, what's so hard about checking if the seat is down before sitting on it. Do you never look at a chair before sitting down? :-) Great stuff Phil.
Hmmm. . . I can see why people could find this funny, I guess I'm just different though. I liked the "I've got my hands full with two" line, but don't really get the juggling many balls. . .well written, but I guess I'm just not a very typical kinda guy :)
Upon a re-read I didn't think this one was as good as the time I originally read it. There were a few good lines like the one about having your hands full with two balls (Snigger, snigger), or seeing Orlando Bloom when you look into the mirror, but it just didn't tickle me the same way the 2nd time around.
Yes he is. There are many life lessons to be learned in these epic parodies. Congrats on the win way back when Phil.
Fun to re-visit this one. I still love it !!!
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