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Song Parodies -> "I'm Erect"
Original Song Title:
"Be Our Guest"
Original Performer:
Disney
Parody Song Title:
"I'm Erect"
Parody Written by:
Phil Alexander
The Lyrics
Embarrassed? Me?
[Lumiere:]
Ma chere Mademoiselle, it is with reddest face
and deepest embarrassment that I stand before you tonight.
So I try in vain to relax, and avoid people's stares
Hoping desperately for something to prevent...
My erection
I'm
e-
rect!
I'm erect
Should have been more circumspect
Beg your pardon, that my hard-on
Is so easy to detect
Saw your eyes
Looking down
Mademoiselle, before you frown
And you express your inditement
Of my evident excitement
It can swing, mauvais chance
(Couldn't find clean underpants)
And the upshot I did not, in truth, expect
Because it wasn't planned, no
Going out, commando
I'm erect
Oops... erect
I'm erect
From this place
I'll be barred
Just because I dropped my.. guard
Please be quiet - I'll deny it
'Cause it couldn't be *that* hard
And the blame's
Partly yours
That dress is a certain cause
You ain't like some guy in drag, you're
More like visual viagra
The way you move your hips
Run your tongue over your lips
My reaction should not imply disrespect
And in another class
Is your stupendous... smile
So I'm erect
If I'm decked
'Cause my conduct's incorrect
[Chorus:]
He's erect! He's erect! He's erect!
[Lumiere:]
I'm erect
I'm erect
How I'm walking is suspect
Let's just say
I walk this way
Because my a-
Nus has been wrecked
Not stiff-..legged, in disgrace
Caught red-handed and red-faced
Your expression doesn't calm me
Or detumesce my salami
On my pork - no control
Now the cameras start to roll
If it's broadcast live it could be called "neglect"
And now I'm feeling sick
Could someone stop this, quick!
'Cause I'm erect!
I'm erect!
I'm erect!
[Ms Potts:]
He's erect! He's erect!
Sakes alive! I must inspect
I look closer... is it kosher
That which I can see project?
He'll desert the TV
And I worry he'll blame me
Though his ego's kind of battered
Must admit I'm kind of flattered
And it's on my account
This increment in head count
Oui, c'est bon! Well, how could any girl object?
[Chorus:]
Oh, yes, we saw it too
[Ms Potts:]
Is it one lump or two?
Just one.. I checked
[Chorus:]
He's erect
[Ms Potts:]
He's erect
[Chorus:]
He's erect
He's erect
He's erect
[Lumiere:]
Life's a little iffy
Caught on camera with a stiffie
It ain't good displaying wood to everyone
Ah, a good old Japanese "election"
Some guy from "The Good Old Days": our Don
Once I could show ardour
Recently it's got much harder
Should be exorcised, who's taken purple pills?
Maybe I should get a chubby-checker
Flabby, soft and lowly
You walked in and holy moly!
[Chorus:]
He's erect! He's erect!
It's our turn to interject
He's outstanding, notwithstanding what we have
To disinfect
"Wicked!" means "With a wick"
And he's quite the candlestick
We'll all give him quite a cheer
'Cause we see he's pleased to see ya!
Sauce, perforce: he's hard-cored
As they may well say abroad:
Muy bueno, c'est tres bon, es ist nicht schlecht
Now we've all seen what's growing
'Cause it's plainly showing:
He's erect!
He's erect!
He's erect!
See! He's erect!
Ma chere Mademoiselle, it is with reddest face
and deepest embarrassment that I stand before you tonight.
So I try in vain to relax, and avoid people's stares
Hoping desperately for something to prevent...
My erection
I'm
e-
rect!
I'm erect
Should have been more circumspect
Beg your pardon, that my hard-on
Is so easy to detect
Saw your eyes
Looking down
Mademoiselle, before you frown
And you express your inditement
Of my evident excitement
It can swing, mauvais chance
(Couldn't find clean underpants)
And the upshot I did not, in truth, expect
Because it wasn't planned, no
Going out, commando
I'm erect
Oops... erect
I'm erect
From this place
I'll be barred
Just because I dropped my.. guard
Please be quiet - I'll deny it
'Cause it couldn't be *that* hard
And the blame's
Partly yours
That dress is a certain cause
You ain't like some guy in drag, you're
More like visual viagra
The way you move your hips
Run your tongue over your lips
My reaction should not imply disrespect
And in another class
Is your stupendous... smile
So I'm erect
If I'm decked
'Cause my conduct's incorrect
[Chorus:]
He's erect! He's erect! He's erect!
[Lumiere:]
I'm erect
I'm erect
How I'm walking is suspect
Let's just say
I walk this way
Because my a-
Nus has been wrecked
Not stiff-..legged, in disgrace
Caught red-handed and red-faced
Your expression doesn't calm me
Or detumesce my salami
On my pork - no control
Now the cameras start to roll
If it's broadcast live it could be called "neglect"
And now I'm feeling sick
Could someone stop this, quick!
'Cause I'm erect!
I'm erect!
I'm erect!
[Ms Potts:]
He's erect! He's erect!
Sakes alive! I must inspect
I look closer... is it kosher
That which I can see project?
He'll desert the TV
And I worry he'll blame me
Though his ego's kind of battered
Must admit I'm kind of flattered
And it's on my account
This increment in head count
Oui, c'est bon! Well, how could any girl object?
[Chorus:]
Oh, yes, we saw it too
[Ms Potts:]
Is it one lump or two?
Just one.. I checked
[Chorus:]
He's erect
[Ms Potts:]
He's erect
[Chorus:]
He's erect
He's erect
He's erect
[Lumiere:]
Life's a little iffy
Caught on camera with a stiffie
It ain't good displaying wood to everyone
Ah, a good old Japanese "election"
Some guy from "The Good Old Days": our Don
Once I could show ardour
Recently it's got much harder
Should be exorcised, who's taken purple pills?
Maybe I should get a chubby-checker
Flabby, soft and lowly
You walked in and holy moly!
[Chorus:]
He's erect! He's erect!
It's our turn to interject
He's outstanding, notwithstanding what we have
To disinfect
"Wicked!" means "With a wick"
And he's quite the candlestick
We'll all give him quite a cheer
'Cause we see he's pleased to see ya!
Sauce, perforce: he's hard-cored
As they may well say abroad:
Muy bueno, c'est tres bon, es ist nicht schlecht
Now we've all seen what's growing
'Cause it's plainly showing:
He's erect!
He's erect!
He's erect!
See! He's erect!
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 3 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 2 | 0 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 33 | 35 | 36 |
User Comments
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Must...resist...urge...to...joke about enjoying the morning wood! Sorry. Couldn't resist. The 'visual Viagra" line was my favorite of TMGLTM. 555
Phil You are so bloody funny. I love it.
ardour/harder...very funny indeed. English, French, Spanish and German...a delightful romp...Excellent...tres cinco
love the crowd singing, "he's erect"...lol
No mention of that word rhyming "loner" eh? LOL this was awesome,,5s
What, no "is that a gun in your pocket" line? Three very large fives for you.
One of the best BOG since man walked erect :-). If you're not still laughing at this four hours later, consult your doctor. Three BIG 5's
No, Phil....nonononononono! TMI, my friend; T freakin' MI! Still, this was wonderfully funny. 555
You had to know I'd love this one, Phil! :-)
LMAO! It wasn't "hard" for me to pick this as the best of today... 5-5-5
Three erect fives
Oh my...that is absolutely hilarious!
TMGTL, but "increment in head count" stood out for me.
:-D Thank you, everyone. As Ben Elton would say, nothing like a few knob gags to make people laugh.
Jack & McK - I'm sure there are more that I've missed, too... though the first draft "Who's the owner of this boner" which got changed to "I look closer.. is it kosher" line.
I suppose if I'd thought about it earlier (instead of the idea just occurring to me), I'd have mixed my Disney films, and had this sung by Woody.
Jack & McK - I'm sure there are more that I've missed, too... though the first draft "Who's the owner of this boner" which got changed to "I look closer.. is it kosher" line.
I suppose if I'd thought about it earlier (instead of the idea just occurring to me), I'd have mixed my Disney films, and had this sung by Woody.
Absolutely brilliant, Phil. TMOLTM. 555++
(on a side note, could you, Kristof and some others wait until the 28th of the month or so before posting these pieces? You know, just to give the rest of us the illusion of having a shot at the Dec SOTM podium... =))
(on a side note, could you, Kristof and some others wait until the 28th of the month or so before posting these pieces? You know, just to give the rest of us the illusion of having a shot at the Dec SOTM podium... =))
(SOTM) Even though I'm sitting down, I'm giving this a standing ovation. Because I'm female. And stuff. Seriously, Phil, this was uproarious.
(SOTM) Did you all see what I wrote in McKludge's space for SOTM?...now I am not so sure. You all make this sooooo dammmm haarrrrrdd!!! (pun unintended)
Getting kinda tired of this original song, so much that if I hear it again I hope it's when I'm working down at Disney World, and not because of a stinkin' SOTM!!!! But alas that's not going to happen, because you guys are obsessed, you're obsessed, YOU'RE OBSESSED.... Enough ranting however, other than getting sick of this original song it was pretty funny, and no wonder you won the Decathlon for the embarassment round.
That's right, Matthias:
We're obsessed, we're obsessed
We think this song is the best
It's the one that is more fun
Than any other dumb OS
;-)
We're obsessed, we're obsessed
We think this song is the best
It's the one that is more fun
Than any other dumb OS
;-)
SOTM - This place is getting more dickadent by the month... :-)
SOTM - Maybe you should have thought about baseball. Or in your case, cricket. Then maybe the rest of us would have a chance at SOTM :-)
Great
SOTM - Bonerific
(SOTM Dec 2007) - Loved the language subs - you managed to get three different tongues into this one line:
"Muy bueno, c'est tres bon, es ist nicht schlecht"
What is your secret Phil? Every time I put some foreign tongue into my parodies I catch flack about the reader not understanding but when you do it, everyone seems to understand. John Barry also gets away with it. It's like what you get here in South Texas - "No Hablo Ingles", but I've found that it is just like shooting pool - the harder you him 'em the more English you get out of 'em. Even though this song is getting overdone, me included, this one was worth the read. But I only wrote one which was the last for me to complete for my "Big 7" status.
"Muy bueno, c'est tres bon, es ist nicht schlecht"
What is your secret Phil? Every time I put some foreign tongue into my parodies I catch flack about the reader not understanding but when you do it, everyone seems to understand. John Barry also gets away with it. It's like what you get here in South Texas - "No Hablo Ingles", but I've found that it is just like shooting pool - the harder you him 'em the more English you get out of 'em. Even though this song is getting overdone, me included, this one was worth the read. But I only wrote one which was the last for me to complete for my "Big 7" status.
(SOTM) Whilst reading, I kept expecting my Dad to appear and see what I was reading. Which would've been embarrassing. Very well done, Phil.
(SOTM) well, y'know, sometimes Phil I think I am your biggest fan - this was abs. brilliant again, with the playful tone and inventive sly humour as always, and that's not to mention it getting the John A Barry award for "detumesce" - subtle and well-crafted humour everywhere - 555
Revisited this tonight...it's even better than I thought the first time
(SOTM) See above. Another worthy entrant into the BOG Hall of Fame. Yiu certainly stiffened my resolve with this masterpiece
(SOTM) No offense Phil, but this is not my favorite of your parodies. . .it paces ok (though not as tight as I thought it would) and though I'm far from one that minds the topic, you've done better with this song. . .not trying to be negative, and I'm sure I'm probably the only one that isn't crazy for this one, but I think everyone knows I'm very honest with my opinions, and you know my general opinion of your work.
See above!
See above
SOTM- Well, this was a HARD song to do, and you're UP against some STIFF competition, but this one really STICKS OUT for me. Well done and AROUSingly funny.
Just discovered this out-standing mem-, er num-ber, Phil and can't stop laughing... too good! (PS: The fives are powers of ten in this case)
detumesce my salami was my favourite line - but the whole song was absolutely hilarious
Wow.. in the middle of all that other commentary, something on a seven-year-old parody :-D Thanks, Chris. Kind of fun to revisit this one.
Damn, that's brilliant; and it was inspired to base it on the characteristics of the original Disney character.
Great, funny, naughty. Very YOU. I'm trying to get back to the UK to visit you again!
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