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Song Parodies -> "Diluvian Kinky Bonk Tar Defenestration"
Original Song Title:
"American Honky-tonk Bar Association"
Original Performer:
Garth Brooks
Parody Song Title:
"Diluvian Kinky Bonk Tar Defenestration"
Parody Written by:
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd
The Lyrics
If you want to you can exercise your free will and skip this intro, it isn't necessary for the song, it's just a recollection of how such a weird title came to be. In the beginning there was nothing but "kinky bonk women" to a well known tune from Rolling Stones. After that loose idea it quickly transferred to this OS and degenerated to "(Something) German kinky bonk scar association". Scar was expelled and replaced with tar when I learned that the latter is slang for sailor. At about the same time diluvian came to replace the prefix-free Germans. Then I fell under the weather and the whole theme drifted away from me for a while. Later, when I started over and a flood of lines begun to pair up, I saw that it was good but that the last word needed to be implying some kind of severe punishment. It struck me that even Noah's Ark must have had some kind of windows on its higher levels, from which sinners and crooks could be thrown to the sharks and crocs, and there, albeit with verses and my lifeguard muse still treading the open waters of uncompleted creation, I had at least finally disembarked "diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration".
If your love life depends on
Old Noah and the flock
If your congregation offers
Nothing more than a breeding stock
If your wife's to pout her lips out
And you go to the stalls in desperation
Then you're facing
A cracked yak diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
When shaggy rams turns up their sockets
And such flings you're behind
If when scholars doze you're with your hose
Swinging on the ice bear line
Hell - rejoice but make no noise
You will be spurned and held for flood causation
Then - Deportation
It calls for diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
They're heaven sent so
manx cats, wolf packs, razorbacks, donkey jacks
and oxen are not to be ploughed
In part 'cos they're moo-saic
And such love is not allowed
You'll get no formal investigation
You'll get no penile croc jaw castration
Just a diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
If you're the scum, too readily,
in Pax Vobiscum, you'll go down
If you reach for cub, scout
for land, or you're gonna drown
If to you parrot chatter is Viagra from a beak then on boar-d
Depravation's - No medication
It calls for diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
They're heaven sent so
don't snog bullfrogs, wild hogs, dirty dogs
or siskins and tell it out loud
In part 'cos they're ark-haic
And such love attracts more clouds
There'll be no Red Sea Mose Law salvation
You'll get no last rite oil lubrication
Just a diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
A just cause diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
If lambs you lay - begone today!
A roll in the hay's - not done that way!
Old Noah and the flock
If your congregation offers
Nothing more than a breeding stock
If your wife's to pout her lips out
And you go to the stalls in desperation
Then you're facing
A cracked yak diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
When shaggy rams turns up their sockets
And such flings you're behind
If when scholars doze you're with your hose
Swinging on the ice bear line
Hell - rejoice but make no noise
You will be spurned and held for flood causation
Then - Deportation
It calls for diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
They're heaven sent so
manx cats, wolf packs, razorbacks, donkey jacks
and oxen are not to be ploughed
In part 'cos they're moo-saic
And such love is not allowed
You'll get no formal investigation
You'll get no penile croc jaw castration
Just a diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
If you're the scum, too readily,
in Pax Vobiscum, you'll go down
If you reach for cub, scout
for land, or you're gonna drown
If to you parrot chatter is Viagra from a beak then on boar-d
Depravation's - No medication
It calls for diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
They're heaven sent so
don't snog bullfrogs, wild hogs, dirty dogs
or siskins and tell it out loud
In part 'cos they're ark-haic
And such love attracts more clouds
There'll be no Red Sea Mose Law salvation
You'll get no last rite oil lubrication
Just a diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
A just cause diluvian kinky bonk tar defenestration
If lambs you lay - begone today!
A roll in the hay's - not done that way!
© Peter Andersson.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 10 | 10 | 10 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Well, my to-do list just got smaller...I was going to spoof 'Dancing in the Dark' with 'Dancing on the Ark', but this far superior to what I would have come up with!!!...555!!!
5's??? I must have missed something...
Wild n' wacky verbiage, Peter... Gertrude Stein ain't got nuthin' on you...
Glad ya didn't defenestrate the banter with the bathwater!
Glad ya didn't defenestrate the banter with the bathwater!
Very creative..idea, and parody
I repeat...I must have missed something. I'm a 44-year-old country boy from the northern hills of Missouri, and I didn't understand one word.
C'mon folks, help me out here! Say something!
TR: Maybe you haven't been reading the right books, or the book...and by that I don't mean the dictionary. ;-)
Leo, TJC and AFW: Thanks!
Leo, TJC and AFW: Thanks!
DKTOS but you had some really awesome rhymes in there, and it was hilarious... 555!
SOTM: Very funny & different!!!
SOTM: Not bad, from what I understood, it was pretty funny, and it was very different
Kinda confusing, but country is a genre that isn't done too much here on Amiright especially newer country and even though the early 90's isn't exactly new seeing that many of our artists are stuck in the 60's its newer... Anyways, Didn't understand a lot of it but it was a good idea.
(SOTM) Anything requiring an explanation usually is problematic, but this was just too silly to penalize it! i wasn't able to hear the OS, but I get the gist of it OK.
(SOTM) DKTOS, and I have no idea what this song is about... sexual intercourse with something or another, and getting deported for it? Could somebody please be kind enough as to explain it? Thank you.
(SOTM) Um...this was probably funny to someone, but not to me, as I had no idea what was going on. Doesn't help that I DKTOS, likely due to an inherited repulsion towards country music. Erm...I'm out.
Hmmm...I can't make up my mind here. I know what you were trying to do...and I think you achieved your goal well...pacing was nice...I actually LIKE Garth Brooks, so I know the OS well...but I just didn't find this to be funny. =( I WANTED to...but I didn't. Well written, though...as I said.
(SOTM) "Penile croc jaw castration" was what finally clued me in to what this parody is about. I'm definitely not a fan of the OS, but bestiality's always good for a laugh. Maybe a half-point deduction for confusing so many of your dear readers. ;-)
You had me with the title - some fantastic word-play: very hard to believe this is from somebody writing in their second language. I thought it was hilarious.
SOTM: I also enjoyed this quite a bit! Brilliant title, and bonus points for using yak and not referring to vomit.
Very clever wordplay here, Peter.
And, excellent "Catholic" refs...(been there, done that, got the hair shirt)
And peace be with you...
"Only Ewe..."
And, excellent "Catholic" refs...(been there, done that, got the hair shirt)
And peace be with you...
"Only Ewe..."
(SOTM) The OS makes me want to shoot myself in the face, but very fun word play, and easily an improvement over the original song. . .
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