[Verse 1]
Blame it all on the drugs, or wicked Repugs
I've ruined my image for you
The last rodeo, the last sold-out show
It was the last thing you thought I would do

But I pictured the sales of my vittles and ales
As I signaled my virtue so well
Then I opened my club, said "Hey, lighten up, bub"
And watched it all go to hell

[Chorus]
Now I got fans in no places
When my blabber mouth up and erases
My base away
They don't wanna stay

Yeah, I'm not big on social issues
When my thoughts depend on brain tissues
Now I've got fans
In no places

[Verse2]
I guess I f'd up, I should've shut up
Before I opened the door
Everything's gone south, just because of my mouth
Now there ain't no boots on the floor

Hey, I only tried to play either side
My neck's just as pink as it's red
Well, I can step as light as those loafers you swiped
Beneath mama's bed

[Chorus]
I've got fans in no places
Where the Bud Light drowns and the pride chases
Them all away
Even if they're gay

Yeah, I'm not big on bein' brainy
Cause I hooked up with Miss Mulvaney
So I've got fans
In no places

[Chorus]
I got fans in no places
Gotta get 'em back on a firm basis
Or fade away
Where my hits don't play

Yeah, I'm not big on room-readin'
When I made my bar a trans Eden
Now I've got fans
In no places

[Chorus]
I got fans in no places
When my business plans show no traces
Of common sense
It's a big expense

Yeah, I'm above the unwoke masses
So I guess I'll call them all a**es
Now I've got fans
In no places

[Chorus]
Now I got fans in no places
When my blabber mouth up and erases
My base away
They don't wanna stay