Put down the clicker
Put down the phone
Take off your sneakers
Climb up in my lap
And I’ll tell you a story
A semi-true story
About my kind friend Cassie
So elementary

There’s no need to travel down to Hampton Roads
There no need for any maps
Just you and me alone
And my kind friend Cassie
This semi-true story
About my kind friend Cassie
So elementary

Well I remember that day in high school gym class
When I met her for the very first time
She was a tall cute blue eyed blonde
But I was so naïve
She won one hundred thirty thousand
On one of my game shows
She’s a self-proclaimed Parrothead
And was a volleyball superstar

Now some folks like icing
But some folks like cake
And some swim in the ocean
But some paddle in the lake
There you can get into Jeopardy!
There you can groove on Cassie Reed
But keep it simple, stupid
That’s all you need to know
About my kind friend Cassie
This semi-true story
About my kind friend Cassie
So elementary

My kind friend Cassie
I thought she was for me
Oh my kind friend Cassie
What could have been for me