Would you like to drink with the stars
In Rodeo Drive's finest bars?
Get a lift home in their sports cars?
Try Ritchie, Hilton or Lohan!

Lohan is an animal when she's on the beers
Nicole's nights will often end in tears
Though Hilton's scrawny, she can fight real well
She learnt street brawling in a.... county cell

So if you're game: down that shot, get off your face
But call your lawyer, just in case....

Would you like to drink with a star?
There's that guy with accent, bizarre
If he mentions Aus-tra-li-a
You bet your ass it must be Mel!

Now Mel is a Catholic with God on his side
Braveheart claims he's not anti-semite
But he's got the Passion; Christ, he's got the hump
He's mad; maxed out...what a freakin' chump!

So if you're a Goldberg or a sugartits,
A beer with Mel would be the pits...

Would you like to drink with a star?
Check the big dude propped at the bar
He's so drunk, don't know where he are
Hey, it could only be The Hoff!

The Hoff was a megastar back in '89
From Baywatch to scotch in record time
Life's a beach when people buy ya rum and cokes
Bar stool's slippery...whoops, that's all folks! [*crash*]

But cabs will not take him after chunks he's blown
And even KITT won't drive him home...

You won't find fishes in the drunk tank
"For this award, I'd like to thank
My Probation Officer, Frank..."

Though I'll admire from afar,
I'll pass on drinking with a star...