His acting's pretty lamely paced,
Although he's got a pretty face.
He'd beat Keanu in a race.
But still, Orlando's a lightweight.
Oy vey!

He's more than just a silhouette,
Perhaps talent will billow yet,
For Kirsten, he's a pillow pet,
No doubt, Orlando's a lightweight.
Oy vey!

There's no golden tresses on this pretty little beau,
And next to Depp's demented Jack, he was pretty slow.
But girls think he's hot; when they see him, they're thinking love;
They gaze at him, up on the screen
So high above.

He must be mic'd; he whispers low,
Which don't mean that he's a basso.
And when you see him in a show,
You'll know that Orlando's a lightweight.
Oy vey!