And now I tip the scale, six hundred pounds
It took some doin'
Ten years, twelve diet plans,
Three marriages
All put to ruin..

I trod the eatin' path, unleash the wrath,
a rush to die way..
It isn't hard to add this lard,
I did it....Pie Way!

When hurt, I grab dessert,
When happy, too
It doesn't matter..
For clothes, I just buy tents,
To fit in those
I just get fatter!

Break stairs, couches and chairs,
And buy three seats
To travel sky way..
Banana Cream's my self esteem,
I swing it.....Pie Way!

Crisp Apple Crunch, Custard Delight,
Cherry for lunch, Pecan at night..
Berry Chiffon, delicious Peach
Pumpkin and Squash..
Please, four of each!
Put in my thumb, eat till I'm numb..
Mmm, yummy.....Pie Way!

I pass no bakeries, nor fight the force
That keeps insisting
Pastries, they taunt and tease
Until, of course, there's no resisting..
I long for shortening, praises, I sing
Crisco or...or Spry way
Can't bust this lust for crust,
I must go....Pie Way!

Last night, I ran amuck..
Went out, hijacked...a bakery truck..
Laughed hideously, grabbed all the goods..
And disappeared into the woods..
Tomorrow...when my body's found,
Empty pie pans all around,
They'll say, "So Sad!..Too bad he had,
To die the.....Pie.... Way!"