Oh, when I was young and buzzy,
My hair was thick and fuzzy,
The follicles were smart
But now scalp skin is showing,
I'd zoom high as a Boeing
If I only had a part..

On the beach, the handsome hunkies
Flaunt head's like hairy monkeys,
Mine's a paper bag like Bart
I could be like those lifeguards,
All the husbands would need wife guards,
If I only had a part..

Prob'lly do..commercials, too,
Just toss my waves about
While brightly smiling,
Brush each sprout..

Admirerers! Hims! Hers!

I've tried all of those scalp lotions,
Rogaine and other potions,
No notions tend to start
This comb would do some dancin'
I'd be mighty strong like Samson,
If I only had a part..

If I only had a part..

If my dome was just more curly,
I'd act brawny, big, and burly
Strut proudly through Walmart
Female clerks'd stretch their neck out,
And I'd be the one they'd check out,
If I only had a part..

On the freeway, in my ragtop
With the top down, flaunt my shag top
At it, ladies eyes would dart
It would make their hearts grow steamy,
All the studs would wanna' be me,
If I only had a part..

Pompadour, so much more
Toss baseball caps away
I'd shout and say,
This is my day!

News would declare! Hair! There!

My head would glow ecstatic
With thick roots in the attic,
High testosterone I'd chart
Self esteem would zoom ballooney,
I'd be sexier than Clooney,
If I only had a part..

If I on - ly - had - a - part...