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Song Parodies -> "He Has a Very Mottled Face, and It Is Not Congenit"

Original Song Title:

"I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"He Has a Very Mottled Face, and It Is Not Congenit"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Admittedly a gratuitous and retroactive cheap shot. But look at the subject.
He has a very mottled face, and it is not congenital.
His skin with grafts is full; when haberdashed like "Pepper" general,
He apes the Fab Four. He has apes and animals quite affable.
He likes to give boys' shafts a pull; with all his toys, he's laughable.

To kids he gives a beverage that for their age ain't quaffable,
He shows them pics of dicks--and sometimes chicks--that are quite graphical.
So, many times the mothers and dads of his victims have brought suit.
He bought them off; some sought a lot because they thought he had got loot.

Although he wed, he's never bedded wife or any gal, because
He'd rather press, caress, and fress nests fledged with pre-men pals' peach fuzz.
He likes 'em short and tractable, mute like Trappists, and malleable,
He's short of cash, new songs are crap, his rap's no longer valuable.

He blew some wealth in stealthy sessions with expensive skin-care docs,
He blew his nose and it fell off; they epoxied it, in their smocks.
He's called the "king of pop," a moniker that's not eponymous,
Since he got off on getting off he's got nearly anonymous.

He's germaphobic; "Anaerobic be; wear masks; don't cough on these,"
He tells the lads as swell the nads; propelled on pads, they drop on knees.
He lives in figments of fantasy, and pigments his skin adorn,
It's bleached and breached and leached; each week he seeks a peek at kinderporn.

He went to court not dressed in shorts but in a PJ uniform.
When he did sport, one was so short, a standing BJ blew a storm.
The torts he vanquished; now he's languished, splashing rouge, scents--bay, Chanel--
Onto his skin that's been worn thin and tinged in hues of Béchamel.

They say his pokes have made him broke and fortunes are unravelin',
He'll try a place to buy more face, so to Dubai he's travelin'.
Is he berserk, they wonder? Should he be in burkha? Wary that
Some young man might make a mistake, take the gloved hand and carry that.

The way he's dressed sometimes, you'd guess he should be in a nunnery,
His face is fixed, but did docs' tricks extend to mixing plumbery?
Thrilled donors milked their boners, and their jizzage made him paterly,
His skin tone's like a ginned crone's visage made, with makeup, materly.

To lift his lips and nip the tip of nose, docs got trenchery,
They dug and drugged and tugged his mug until he's nearly gender-free.
In Spain they speculate on whether he's sin or con genitals.
He has moved to white from mocha, and that is not congenital.


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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.6

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 1
 1
 
 4   1
 0
 1
 
 5   5
 5
 4
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

stuart mcarthur - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
* flabbergasted *
John Barry - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Stuart.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - October 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow. To pull of this gem in the midst of so many other parodies... wow. Just. Wow.
Red Ant - October 23, 2005 - Report this comment
One point shy of the full 15 because you didn't do the choruses. But wow indeed. No American Pie or TWotEf? Slacker. ;-)

I noticed you varied as much as possible your song selection, with very few repeat OSs, which makes this feat even more incredible. I take it to that you can type very fast and listened to each OS no more than once (if not made from memory or lyric sheets alone) to make them all in time. The scary thing is this, you not only got 99 but 100, telling me you had time to spare (or perhaps miscounted, unlikely though). And to do this one again after what, 5 times? Sheesh.

I only know roughly 10 of these, about to check out "Incense and Peppermints" as soon as I find the CD.
John Barry - October 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Luke, Red Ant. I'd already doen five or six takes on the OS, so I it embedded in my head. Didn't do the choruses to save time.
Tim Mayfield - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
'They dug and drugged and tugged his mug until he's nearly gender-free' is classic and brilliant. 5's

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