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Song Parodies -> "December Schlong"

Original Song Title:

"September Song"

Original Performer:

Lotte Lenya

Parody Song Title:

"December Schlong"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

*Quite a while ago, I took on a challenge from Johnny D to do "Dismembered Schlong" for "September Song." But as I read the original lyrics, I started "getting Metaphysical." One of the 17th century Metaphysical poets, Andrew Marvell, wrote what might be the definitive "carpe diem" (seize the day) anthem: "To His Coy Mistress." ". . .But at my back I always hear/Time's wingèd chariot hurrying near. . ." So this ended up being kind of an academic exercise.
In our lit class we while
Away time—dismember
Words of the great works.
They teach: May-December
Relationships tether
Old guys with young dames
The former have no time
For the waiting game.

His spindle dwindles down
To a precious few
Times when his member
Rests rigid and stays straight.
Of these few pressup days,
He spends a few
These pressup days. . .
He spends a few.

She yearns to meet a young man—
You see, it's spring
She symbolizes. With time
On her hands; her hormone glands are bursting.
She wants the goods that can act like a spring.
Her December lover's, hibernating—
December, symbol for hardly a lay.

And in our lit class we file
Thoughts of December members,
Say "carpe diem" together—
Mistranslate as "squeeze the dame."

Got Metaphysicals* down.
It was Marvell who
Wrote about December's
Onslaught. What did he say?
Spend time to screw.
Make like it's May—
Spend time to screw.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   7
 6
 6
 

User Comments

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MrMacphisto - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Clever and funny....
Johnny D - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Love the juxtaposition of the poetic and literary grace and seriousness of the parody with its in-your-face-raunchily-goofy title "December Schlong" !
John Barry - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mr. and JD.
Ashkicksass - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but liked it as a poem...
Ingeborg S. Nordén - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS either, but Johnny D took the words right out of my, ahem, fingers. 5's all round!
??? - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Excuse this stupid question, but what does DKTOS mean?
alvin rhodes - October 02, 2004 - Report this comment
jiminy..how elegant...5s...nice job, john...DKTOS = don't know the original song

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