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Song Parodies -> "Libel is the Rich Man's Friend"

Original Song Title:

"Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Marilyn Monroe

Parody Song Title:

"Libel is the Rich Man's Friend"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

One of two today inspired by libelreform.org, wanting reform of the UK's ridiculous libel laws.
The Rich are glad to run to Law
To protect their reputation
So you get libel tourism
From rotten legislation


Freedom of speech
Isn't so controversial
But libel is the rich man's friend

And though courts of law
Ought to be impertial
It is hard to hide:
The law ain't on the poor man's side

For law's a bitch
If you're not rich
Libel law's one we ought to amend

But lawyers to sing your tune
Will cost you a fortune
Libel is the rich man's friend

Bin Mahfouz!
BCA!
Dick Perle
Kate Hudson
Talk to Judge David Eady...
Tell him all about it!

There may come a time
When a chap needs a lawyer,
But libel is the rich man's friend

If you ain't got the cash
He will do nothing for ya
And "No win, no fee"
Is not exactly what it seems

So, you won
What he begun
You could still lose your house in the end

They charge pounds, not pences
For legal expenses
Libel is the rich man's friend


I've read in blog posts
That were just scientific
That libel is the rich man's friend

For a suit to be slapped
For critique is, well, horrific
And what can you do
If people sue for peer review?

Legal aid
Does not get paid
If a libel you hope to defend

Then those legal ogres
Will redefine "Bogus"

Libel! Libel!
I don't mean slander
Libel is the rich man's friend

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Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 4

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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - February 22, 2010 - Report this comment
" 'cause bad men with riches are the worst sons-of-b*tches! Yes, libel mis the rich man's friend!" I award you 555 in damages. ;D
Old Man Ribber - February 22, 2010 - Report this comment
libel IS
Fiddlegirl - February 22, 2010 - Report this comment
We have similar problems on this side of the pond... Unfortunately, those with the power to change the laws are lawyers themselves, soooooooo.... ;)
Tommy Turtle - February 23, 2010 - Report this comment
You could always break away from the Crown and form your own nation ... it worked for us! :-)

One hates to disagree publicly with one's collaborator, but libel cases are *very* difficult to win i the US. Truth itself is an *absolute* defense, and the burden is on the plaintiff to prove that the defendant not only spoke falsely, but did so either with knowing malice, or with a reckless and wanton disregard for the truth. -- AND that the defendant suffered provable harm to income, reputation, etc.

Observe what's hurled on TV and radio talk shows, and even the tabloids -- it's a bit ugly, but much less uglier than censorship. Good luck with that campaign, and if it doesn't work out, revolt. :)
Phil Alexander - February 23, 2010 - Report this comment
OMR - damn, should have thought of that couplet myself :-)

FG - technically, it should be the politicians, not the lawyers, who have the power to change the laws.. but as TT suggests it is far harder to prove libel over there, which is why Justice Eady's position on allowing anything somebody in the UK might possibly have read to be tried for libel over here is so dodgy, and why people try to get libel suits heard here

TT - Have you seen the old Ealing Comedy film "Passport to Pimlico"? But yes, the requirements for a libel case over there seem actually quite sensible - especially as here you can end up seriously out of pocket even if you said something true and won your libel case. Though some of what I've seen on talk shows over there seems libellous even by US definitions..
Phil Nelson - February 23, 2010 - Report this comment
well written
Tommy Turtle - February 23, 2010 - Report this comment
FG was referring to the fact that the overwhelming majority of members of Congress are lawyers, or at least attended law school, and many of the Presidents, as well. So politician = lawyer is often true, and they make the laws mostly to protect and enrich themselves. (Which is why Reagan, the non-law-school actor, was a great Pres --couldn't resist.)

Haven't seen the flic. As far as talk shows, there is yet another (IMHO) sensible provision in our laws: That when you *voluntarily choose* to become a public figure (politician, movie star, rock star, etc.), you make yourself a target for public criticism and ridicule that the ordinary private citizen should not expect or have to bear.

As 1940s President Harry Truman said, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." .... Or don't enter the kitchen (public life) in the first place.

Interesting point, symbolizing new dilemma of the World Wide Web: I post a parody on a US-based site, as a US citizen/resident. Can people in all 167 other countries (or whatever the current count is; it seems to change daily) sue me under the laws of *their* nation, and do I have to respond to 167 suits? .... same issue with kidpwrn: Age of "consent" (adulthood; ability to give legal consent) is lower in, say, Netherlands than US (of course, because they specialize in the Nether Lands -- I *kill* me!) -- so a pic posted there might be perfectly legal, but illegal to view in the US, or even to travel through the US portion of the Internet pipeline.

Laws didn't anticipate the "global village' nature of the Internet. Stay tuned. (And the British view *does* sound idiotic. Looong fall down from the Magna Carta and the Enlightenment.)

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