Eyes like a flashlight, has my girl Elvira
Duracell batteries must make 'em shine
Get funny feelings when we laugh together,
This, plus her hot sex, says, Elvira's mine

I can't stop singing Elvira, Elvira..
I crow like a rooster, cuz' she is my chick
Towns people threaten to set me on fire
The crowing and singing is making them sick

One night an an-gry crowd starts to form
Brandishing torches and si-i-i-igns..
They're yelling, "Witch boy!"
"You devil Oak Ridge boy!"
I rush to my windows..
And pull down the blinds

They shout, "Burn him!"..

Leader is loud and his goods he is selling
Torches are tossed and the flame with them flies
It's lucky for me I've an asbestos dwelling
The flame retardation's a sight for sore eyes

It doesn't stop them, they tear down the lamppost
My fear's se-vere as is boil to a clam
Think, why the hell would they knock down that damn post,
Answer comes quick, it's a battering ram

Just for a moment I hear not a sound
Till my duck utters a qua-a-a-ack
Smash thru the front door
Track mud on my foyer
With so much momentum,
They fly out the back..

Right then is when I..

Use my old noggin for more than a hat rack
Scheme up a plan in a second or so..

Now's a good time to escape, and I knew it
Walk outside backwards, like I'm walking in
Yelling, "Let's get him, boys!"..loud, as I do it
When I'm a block away, giggle and grin..

Flee fast like Seabiscuit to Burger King
Buy me a Whopper with che-ee-ee-eese
Must feed my sorrow,
A Popeye trick borrow
Then bunk up at Motel Six
For some sleep-ease..

When I arise I

Rush across town and embrace dear Elvira
Relate the terror of last night's ordeal
She shows great courage and this I admira..
Plan our next move, as I cop a quick feel

She says by now, the crowd's prob'lly disbanded
We'll pack her stuff and then go and pack mine
A problem solution efficiently handled
I sing, "Elvira, you're simply divine!"

With her breast hushes my soul serenade
And keys her DeLorean ri-i-i-ide..
Pushes the pedal,
Way down to the metal,
Soon, behind my house
On rubber, we slide

The coast is clear..

I pack all my Nikes, Reeboks, and Adidas
My Members Only, and Lee Rider Jeans
Can't let these nasty townspeople defeat us
Or ruin our life style, not by any means..

When we're all packed, burn a strip, hit the freeway
Like Horace Greeley said, "Young Man, Go West!"
Elvira's summer home, Pacific Seaway..
Californ, here we come..Hell with the rest!

Californ, here we come..Hell with the rest!