It's after midnight, you open the refrigerator door
Behind the moon pies, some chardonnay from 1984
You start to think, that it was a gift and costs too much to drink it
And then you freeze, as you see the keg out the corner of your eye...Too bad it's dry!

You're out of Miller, Miller Lite
No soda can save you, not a Pepsi or a Sprite
You need a Miller, Miller Lite
You're searching for your drink inside a cooler, Miller, Tonight!

You see the door slam, but you know that the fridge ain't the only place
Your freezing cold hand, riffles thru the cooler for a case
You close your eyes, and hope that this is just imagination
But all the while, there's ice cold brewskies hiding in the back, it's a Miller attack!

You found your Miller, Miller Lite
You wake up without pants, singing to transvestites
'Cause you drank Miller, Miller Lite
You finally found your drink inside a cooler, Miller, Tonight!

Flat sodas calling, you reach for some Doc's Hard Lemonade
There'll be no passing a breath-a-lizer tonight, (It's Miller Time)
"Sir could you walk this straight line?"

The cops will get you, there's policemen closing in on every side
They will arrest you, for all your outstanding D.U.I.'s
Now is the time, you wish you go home and watch some NASCAR
All thru the night, you'll experience the horrors of the jail, I'll post your bail!

'Cause you drank Miller, Miller Lite
No soda can save you, not a Pepsi or a Sprite
You love your Miller, Miller Lite
And that's why you share your cell with a killer, jailer, Miller...

(Deep, background voice over)

Darkness falls across the land
You hold you brewsky with both hands
Drunks are knocking down your door
In search of your ice cold Coors
Give your fake I.D. a push
It's time to head for the mountains of Busch
You offer them an appetizer
But all the crave is your Budweiser

You smell the stench of rancid beer
A born on date from yesteryear
The short and tall
From bathroom stalls
Are closing in on your alcohol

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can survive
Cirrhosis of the liver

(Into maniacal laughter...)