He awoke to a sea of strange faces. . .
Savages not giving embraces.
In a strange tongue they spoke,
Giving many a poke
With spears in most sensitive places.

As he surveyed each ravenous pan,
He could see that their diet lacked bran.
But they were gastronomes,
Using no gastro-tomes.
Who needs books to know how to cook man?!

They threw him right into a cauldron,
And the water was nearly scaldin’.
They would pump up the flame
Until dinnertime came
And would not stop noshing till all done.

But the tribe was plagued by a rival,
Which then made a sudden arrival
And scattered every foe,
Each one of whom did know:
If they’d stayed there would be reprisal.

The heat of the cauldron had made,
With the sunburn, a very red shade
On the skin of the guy,
And when it caught their eye,
They gaped in amazement and prayed.

For they had never in their purview
Gazed such a brilliant vermillion hue. . .
Gave a collective nod
That the man was a god.
Something else gave them that belief too.

For years they had patiently waited
For the red-skinned man with vacated
Priapus so they could
Try to put it on good:
The object with which he’d be mated.

Perhaps it was mere superstition
About a man in his condition.
They would soon demonstrate—
He would not remonstrate—
Their hexed sexual exhibition.

They had wrought for him a massive dong. . .
From a long-deep-frozen mastodon.
And then one of them tapped
A tree that produced sap—
Strong juice had the long schlong mastic’d on.

The two DNAs were a near-match—
Close enough that the mast could attach.
The blood started to flow;
The pud started to grow.
Before long, he was hung like Sasquatch.

The savages all genuflected,
After the results they’d inspected.
This man who would be king
’cause of his new big thing,
At this point did not feel dejected.

Then the savages rose from their knees. . .
Was apparent that they aimed to please
With buccal gymnastics
So he took a drastic
Action that’s reserved to deities.

With hand motions he made them to ken
Exactly what was his godly yen.
They all could understand:
With a wave of his hand—
Separate the women from the men.

He then motioned all the men to go
To the waterfall and watch it flow,
Then come back in a week.
He put his nude physique
In position where his post would show.