Big Dong, Belle's
(Ding, Dong, Bell)

Big dong, belle's
Pussy digs it well.
Lou puts it in,
With a tawny sheen.
When it's pulled out,
Big Johnson's stout.

What a knobby boy was that
Who downpoured pussy patch.
After his lever was niche-warm
Now nits and lice itchin' up a storm.


[Ding, dong, bell,
Pussy's in the well!
Who put her in?
Little Tommy Green.
Who pulled her out?
Big Johnny Stout.

What a naughty boy was that,
To drown poor pussy-cat,
Who never did him any harm,
But killed the mice in his father's barn!]


Little Miss Muff Fit
(Little Miss Muffet)

Little Miss Muff fit
Spanked it and cuffed it,
Beating an uncurbed spray.
The schlong became wider
Then spat in her cider,
Which sat six yards' distance away.


Peter's Peter
(Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-Eater)

Peter's peter pumps kin; mister
Peter's wife was his sweet sister.
Their son weds Pete's wife's ma, Belle.
Ain't life in West Virginia swell?


Undressed, the Master Of This House
(God bless the master of this house)


Undressed, the master of this house,
His mistress, also.
The wife's off with the children.
So 'round the world they go.

As a kinky position
They attempt, they can hear
His missus as she makes ingress.
He too, into the rear.

[God bless the master of this house,
The mistress, also,
And all the little children,
That round the table go;
And all your kin and kinsmen
That dwell both far and near;
I wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a Happy New Year.]


When I Got To Provo, No Jive
(As I Was Going to St. Ives)

When I got to Provo, no jive,
I met a man with seven wives.
This man had an empty sack--
It must service seven cracks.
In the cracks are seven clits.
Clits, cracks, sack, and wives--
This man is lucky he is still alive.

[As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives;
Every wife had seven sacks,
Every sack had seven cats,
Every cat had seven kits;
Kits, cats, sacks, and wives,
How many were there going to St. Ives?]