Well, J. K. Rowling's a b**ch
She's a big-mouthed b**ch
She's the biggest b**ch in the whole wide world
She's a stupid b**ch
If there ever was a b**ch
She's a b**ch to all the boys and girls.

Devoted fan (spoken): Shut up! She's great, she's wonderful, she's ...

Her last book blew chunks
And she won't shut up
She tried to persuade us all were straight
Then most recently, just for publicity,
She told us Albus Dumbledore, well he ain't!

Spoken: C'mon, you all know the words!

Have you ever met J. K. Rowling?
She's the biggest b**ch in the whole wide world,
Her writing's subpar,
And she's a media-whore
She's a self-contradicting b**ch, b**ch, b**ch

B**ch, b**ch, b**ch, b**ch,
B**ch, b**ch, b**ch, b**ch,
She's a stupid b**ch,
J. K.'s a b**ch and she's such a bloody b**ch.

Spoken: Talk to kids around the world, it might go a little bit something like this.

(Translations in French, Bulgarian, Japanese, and Italian)

Have you ever met J. K. Rowling?
She's the biggest b**ch in the whole wide world,
Her writing's subpar,
She's an attention-whore
She's a character-wrecking b**ch, b**ch, b**ch

B**ch, b**ch, b**ch, b**ch,
B**ch, b**ch, b**ch, b**ch,
She's a stupid b**ch,
J. K.'s a b**ch and she's such a bloody b**ch.

I really mean it
J. K.
She's a big-mouthed, stupid b**ch!
A big stupid bloody b**ch, J. K., yeah!
Cha!