Don't Take The Titanic...
Don't sail on that ship
Not even if your clothes
Are press free, dry drip..

I purchased two tickets (he purchased two tickets)
At Southampton Bay (at Southampton Bay)
Then, I heard a strange voice ( he heard a strange voice)
On that fateful day (on that fateful day)

Don't Take The Titanic
Your chances are slim
Across the Atlantic
You may have to swim...

So, I saw a gypsy (yes, he saw a gypsy)
Before it set sail (before it set sail)
She said buy life insurance (told him, buy life insurance)
Make a will without fail (make a will without fail)

Don't Take The Titanic
Don't get on that boat
Now, is time to panic
It won't stay afloat...

When she peered in her crystal (when she peered in her chrystal)
I peered at her boob (he peered at her boob)
She said I see an iceberg (she said I see an iceberg)
Not lettuce, you Rube.. (not lettuce, you Rube..)

I hugged her and kissed her (he hugged her and kissed her)
For saving my life (for saving his life)
I said I think I love you (he said I think I love you)
Will you please be my wife? (will you please be his wife?)

Don't Take The Titanic
A trip you'll resent
Tell Orville and Wilbur
A plane to invent...

That day we got married (that day they got married)
That night I got drunk (that night he got drunk)
Woke up the next morning (woke up the next morning)
In a big steamer trunk (in a big steamer trunk)

I'm on the Titanic (he's on the Titanic)
On shore is my wife (on shore was his wife)
She has my life insurance (she has his life insurance)
End of story,...and my life (end of story...and his life)

Yes, I Took The Titanic (he took the Titanic)
I'm trapped on this boat (he's trapped on that boat)
She's my beneficiary (she's his beneficiary)
And that's all she wrote (and that's all she wrote...)

Don't Take The Titanic
Don't sail on that ship
Not even if your clothes
Are press free, dry drip........

And that's all I wrote...