This Old Man, he paid one
She played tic-tac on his bum
Lipsticked, paddle whacked,
Stroked the doggie bone
This Old Man went smilin' home

This Old Man, he paid two
They lashed him till he was blue
Whip whap, leather strap
Candles, oils, that shone
This Old Man went achy home

This Old Man, he paid three
Peeked in loo to watch one pee
Hugged one, rug burned one
When he turned to stone
This Old Man went happy home

This Old Man, he paid four
Three young babes, and one old whore
Lick-snack, fruit attack
Plus an ice cream cone
This Old Man went kinky home

This Old Man, he paid five
Huffed and puffed, and jived his jive
Up shack, back attack,
Escort service phoned
This Old Man could hold his own

This Old Man, he paid six
Circus girls who knew some tricks
Slim cats, acrobats
Up and down and prone
This Old Man went tumblin' home

This Old Man, he paid seven
Jill, June, Jan, Sue, Tess, Pam, Kevin
One dude, interlude
For variety..
This Old Man tried gay to see

This Old Man, he paid eight
After Kevin, gay got gate
Turn off, made him cough
Swore to leave alone
This Old Man went straight back home

This Old Man, he paid nine
Hunched up, backwards, hurt his spine
Click clack, heard a crack
Got up with a groan,
This Old Man went limpin' home

This Old Man, he paid ten
Orgied, but will not again,
Bad plaque, heart attack
Carved on his tombstone,
"This Old Man went happy, home"

"This Old Man went happy, home"