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Song Parodies -> "Twelve Tastes of Christmas"
Original Song Title:
"Twelve Days of Christmas"
Original Performer:
Traditional
Parody Song Title:
"Twelve Tastes of Christmas"
Parody Written by:
John A. Barry
The Lyrics
On the thirst day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Some Patrón—it’s so tasty
On the “sec”ond day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Huge purple plums
Playing their part as schnapps brandy
On more-thirst day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Three French Chen’s[1]
Smooth when it’s drunk
Before Patrón that’s so tasty
On the pours day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Four Calvados
Sweet French blend
Smooth when it’s drunk
With some Pear Williams—so tasty
On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Rye, vodka, gin,
Port, Calvados
Me-drench yen
Boozers will come
There’s a party soon, I can see
On the brix day Christmas
My true love gave to me
Brix-sweetness tastings. . .
Ripeness from skins
Gorged with fructose
Sweet kept in
Juice near like gum
I now part with sobriety.
A still-sentient day of Christmas
My true love joins with me
Senseless songs we’re singing
Sick lyrics braying
Bibing old gin
More squalling toasts
Deemed “French” when
Bluenoses come. . . .
You party with strict company
On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eight tastes with milk in
Wretched froth a-swigging
Thick syrup makings
Crime is this drink!
Pour ’ppalling dose
Creamed dreck blend
Goo-syrup punch
That is paltry in taste to me
On the “fire” day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Nine tasty brandies
Great! Made my day brim
Like glasses I’m swigging
Sickness at bay yet
I’m pouring in
More Calvados
Me, French yen
Soon hurling chunks
That will part bucally from me
Just a tenth of the gin left
My true love gave to me
Ten snorts a-gleaning
Wine tastes I’m chancing
After I’ve been swigging
Sickness inveigling
My engorged in-
nards that will resort
To retch, then
Spew hurled-up chunks
There’s now parting gastronomy
It’s now the retching day of Christmas
My love retches with me
Eleven pints of Piper [Heidsieck]
Ten snorts of Riesling
Nine tastes of brandy
Eight drinks with milk in
Seven grogs from swigging
Six greasy bagels
Fried onion rings
Poured Calvados
Three French Chen’s
Huge burly chunks
Once they’ve parted, we get hairy.
On the twelfth day of Christmas
Hirsute caninity
Twelve tumblers, rum in
Eleven pints of Pliny [the Elder]
Ten pours of Riesling
Nine tastes of absinthe
Laced with ice—milky
Seven grogs a-swigging
Six beers inhaling
Five Golden[2] drinks
Four Calvados
Three French Chen’s
Huge gurgling glugs
Again, parts our sobriety
[1]Chenin Blanc
[2]Goldwasser, Goldschläger, Molson Golden Ale, Siam Gold beer, XXXX Gold Lager
My true love gave to me
Some Patrón—it’s so tasty
On the “sec”ond day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Huge purple plums
Playing their part as schnapps brandy
On more-thirst day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Three French Chen’s[1]
Smooth when it’s drunk
Before Patrón that’s so tasty
On the pours day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Four Calvados
Sweet French blend
Smooth when it’s drunk
With some Pear Williams—so tasty
On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Rye, vodka, gin,
Port, Calvados
Me-drench yen
Boozers will come
There’s a party soon, I can see
On the brix day Christmas
My true love gave to me
Brix-sweetness tastings. . .
Ripeness from skins
Gorged with fructose
Sweet kept in
Juice near like gum
I now part with sobriety.
A still-sentient day of Christmas
My true love joins with me
Senseless songs we’re singing
Sick lyrics braying
Bibing old gin
More squalling toasts
Deemed “French” when
Bluenoses come. . . .
You party with strict company
On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eight tastes with milk in
Wretched froth a-swigging
Thick syrup makings
Crime is this drink!
Pour ’ppalling dose
Creamed dreck blend
Goo-syrup punch
That is paltry in taste to me
On the “fire” day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Nine tasty brandies
Great! Made my day brim
Like glasses I’m swigging
Sickness at bay yet
I’m pouring in
More Calvados
Me, French yen
Soon hurling chunks
That will part bucally from me
Just a tenth of the gin left
My true love gave to me
Ten snorts a-gleaning
Wine tastes I’m chancing
After I’ve been swigging
Sickness inveigling
My engorged in-
nards that will resort
To retch, then
Spew hurled-up chunks
There’s now parting gastronomy
It’s now the retching day of Christmas
My love retches with me
Eleven pints of Piper [Heidsieck]
Ten snorts of Riesling
Nine tastes of brandy
Eight drinks with milk in
Seven grogs from swigging
Six greasy bagels
Fried onion rings
Poured Calvados
Three French Chen’s
Huge burly chunks
Once they’ve parted, we get hairy.
On the twelfth day of Christmas
Hirsute caninity
Twelve tumblers, rum in
Eleven pints of Pliny [the Elder]
Ten pours of Riesling
Nine tastes of absinthe
Laced with ice—milky
Seven grogs a-swigging
Six beers inhaling
Five Golden[2] drinks
Four Calvados
Three French Chen’s
Huge gurgling glugs
Again, parts our sobriety
[1]Chenin Blanc
[2]Goldwasser, Goldschläger, Molson Golden Ale, Siam Gold beer, XXXX Gold Lager
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| 5 | 7 | 7 | 7 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
I like how you varied contents of verses, cutting down on the monotony...
555 for this toilet-hugger's dream!
JAB - Which goes to prove you can't keep a good holiday treat down! ;D
Really liked the line "hirsute caninity". A classic. I was about ready to pass out just from reading it. Would make a great video.
What AFW said ... that's a sign of a parody master.
What goes down must come up, in this case. Thoroughly enjoyed it! 5/5/5.
What happened on May 5, 2005???
Thanks you half dozen-plus.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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