I told Stan, who’s my barkeep bro.
To lay on me an Old Fashioned.
I said, “Skol!” and started swigging soon.
On the bar was a empty glass in front of me.
“Stan, Old Fashioned! Make it two.” And then three.

Don’t enjoy Sidecars, can’t abide
That Cointreau giving Cognac pallor;
I won’t pay to nip on oily gin.
Look askance at a beer like Bud that’s watery.
“Stan, Old Fashioned! Pour a fourth, SVP.*
(Stand, Old Fashioned, and no VSOP”**).

There’s no problem as I swirl
Everything mixed in the glass.
This drink I love; I’m getting tight,
But on five I don’t pass.

I’m the kind who loves getting drunk
Sober?! Boy, is that old-fashioned!
Next I quaff six, seven, eight, nine.
I say, “Stan, ten, eleven—place in front of me!
Stan, Old Fashioneds get me drunk as can be.”


*S’il vous plaît
**Very Special Old Pale cognac