Left the milk out all night sitting,
Then you snuck out in the mornin' and put it away,
Had no idea when I poured me some all-bran,
I soon would not be able to hold it in.

Get me to the toilet
Sour dairy had been spoilin'
Colon, Colon, Colon's like a river.

Strange that I was too tired to notice, ,
It pumped out of the jug like cottage cheese,
But then two hours later it hit me,
Milk's not supposed to taste like sour cream,

Somethin' down there's boilin'
Pants I'll soon be soilin'
Colon, colon, colon's like a river.

Think I've come down with a fever,
Thanks to the sloppy person with whom I live,
You tell me not to worry 'cause you think it's funny,
But wait'll I slip you these laxatives...

Your stomach will be burnin'
Your bowels they will be turnin'
Colon, Colon, Colon's like a river.

Colon, Colon, Colon's like a river.
Colon, Colon, Colon's like a river.