"One problem could be with your small head,"
She said to me
Solutions come easy, that's the part that's scaring me
I must have safe sex, guaranteed security
There can be fifty ways to lose your rubber

She said it really is a worry when I'm nude
'Cause I'm no whore,
If you should fertilize my egg, I'm really screwed..
Let me repeat myself, and it's sure important, Dude
There can be fifty ways to lose your rubber
Fifty ways to lose your rubber

So, just slide it clear on back, Jack
Hold it with your hand, Dan
Watch the way you enjoy, Roy
Don't let it slip free
Remove that truss, Gus
It could bother us much
Unroll totally, Lee
Don't let it slip free..

Just, watch your technique, Geek
Don't move too quick, Nick
I want no girl or boy, Roy
Just listen to me..
Don't be no wild cuss, Gus
And don't wiggle and fuss much
Act responsibly, Lee
Or it might slip free..

She said, I ain't no ho, so..don't use the cheap brand
It would just be safer, if we abstain and make it by hand
I said I appreciate that, but Will won't understand
About the fifty ways

She said, why don't we both just do some sleep tonight
Then copulate in the morning when my fertile time is slight
And then she kissed me, and I realized she probably was right
Because I could not find my lousy rubber..
Fifty ways to lose your rubber..

Guess I misplaced the pack, Jack
Lost when I ran, Man
Left it on the toy, Joy
Ain't got none on me..
Dropped on the bus, Gus
Feeling disgust much
Guess we'll have to wait, Kate
Ain't got one on me..