The problem is, I want you dead and shed of me,
I glance at you and view you thanatotically.
Life with you's hell, but I'm struck by epiphany:
There must be fifty ways to cleave your lover.

Formerly I would simply get mad and I fumed,
But no more, you won't demean me, making me get your pet groomed.
I've learned to deal with it where nothing will be exhumed,
There must be fifty ways to cleave your lover,
Fifty ways to cleave your lover.

[REFRAIN 1]
Get a sharp saw and hack, Jack,
Use a trepan, Fran,
Employ chopper for choy, Roy,
But set those limbs free.
Try a blunderbuss, Gus.
A Cheneyesque touch, Dutch.
Chop with machete, Bea,
And set those limbs free.

[REFRAIN 2]
Machete and hack, Mack,
Sharp lid of can, Stan,
Employ chopper for koi, Roy,
But set those limbs free.
Swiss blade that don't rust, Gus,
Much keener than Dutch, Hutch,
Lop off at the knee, Lee,
And set those limbs free.

It surely grieves me: this song has four refrains.
It would be quite boring if each one were exactly the same,
And so I will compromise and not do four. . .just a twain,
Can't list all fifty ways

Now back to the song: you must creep up, out of sight
While your victim's asleep, snoring, before dawn has leaped with light,
And then kiss him/her off; think not of probable cause and end your plight,
Use one of fifty ways to cleave your lover,
Fifty ways to cleave your lover.

[Repeat Refrains 1 and 2]