Swimmin' - I'm a pretender when swimmin'
Formin' queer ripples all under the sea
Raising looks of alarm
Why, why do humans need photos?
What frivolous side made you go
And create a cute monster? Ah!

Oh otters of Loch Ness
Playin' with no strife, no strife
Centuries' art - the joke won't depart
Us otters of Loch Ness

Otters of Loch Ness
Deceivin' is done so clever
Otters of Loch Ness - fun is the blarn-
y we shared together

Kevin - our image was snapped by Kevin
Thought Christmas had come - a gift from above
All the world it did groan
"Fake!" they cried, "this thing is overblown!"
The bluff we pretended - oblong
Plesiosaurs that have gang agley

Oooh otters of Loch Ness
Make tales ripe for fishwives
Our hoax from start - evoked a canard
Ooh us otters of Loch Ness

Otters of Loch Ness
Weavin' a tome fantastic
Otters of Loch Ness - thanks to a gaff
We're declared Jurassic

Uh! Otters of Loch Ness
Fable-in' is rife, is rife
Swimmin' like darts to keep our home on the charts
Us otters of Loch Ness

Otters of Loch Ness
Make trouble and strife, for life
So we impart strange myths on those not too smart
Us evil otters of Loch Ness

Why can'tcha film too good?

Otters of Loch Ness
Ow! Leavin' 'em fools forever
Us evil otters of Loch Ness - con is enough
'Cus we're oh so clever

(fade)