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Song Parodies -> "An Old Bass Trombone"

Original Song Title:

"The Great Pretender"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Platters

Parody Song Title:

"An Old Bass Trombone"

Parody Written by:

Andy Primus

The Lyrics

Valve = spit valve/water key
Mute = pixie mute
Slush pump = trombone
Denis Wick = lead trombonist in the London Symphony Orchestra
Don Lusher = lead trombonist in the Ted Heath Band
Blow = play jazz in an unrestrained style

Oh yes…it’s an old bass trombone
Been buskin’, but not doin’ well
My valve is stuck
So it’s full of yuck
It’s dented, from slide to the bell

“OK”…said the wife, “Get ready”
“I’ll sit on your lap; make you moan”
Down came her rump
On to my slush pump
She sat on the wrong kinda bone!

My mute up her chute, an’ it sure did peeve
Went whoosh, up her tush; caused a start, and a squeal

(Oh) Yes…I’m a shite trombonist
Don’t practise; I play like a clown
No steam, or kick
Never hot like Wick
Can’t challenge for Don Lusher’s crown
Been buskin’ all day; not a pound

No glide from the slide: I should grease the sleeve
Wrong lube in the tube, an’ the stuff will congeal

(Oh) Mute…is still stuck inside her
No wah-wah today goin’ down
Not worth one buck
I don’t blow, jus’ suck
I’m slippin’ my ‘bone like a clown
It’s jeerin’ I hear; boos abound
(Boos abound)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   1
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   3
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User Comments

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AFW - December 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Clever rowdy double entendre, here..he who laps last..laps best.
Old Man Ribber - December 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Andy - Thanks, and I get (use) all the jokes. After all, a man's 'bone is his hassle! Check me on this, but I believe Ted Heath was a trombonist himself. Slidin' you three 5s! ;D
Andy P - January 02, 2011 - Report this comment
Late thanks to AFW ...& OMR - I knew you'd get it (I did this one with you in mind, as I remembered that you play one). Ted started on the tenor horn, then changed to the trombone.

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